Tearing Down Walls

Tearing Down Walls 33

Chapter 33 Havannah

           It’s been two months. I’m halfway through it, but I feel like it’s not worth it. It might just be the fact that I miss him or it could be because it seems like he doesn’t miss me. He calls twice a week, maybe once if they’re really busy. I’ve seen pictures of him with other girls, but the article always said they’re “just friends”. I never ask him either. I rolled out of bed and washed my face. My hair was a mess, but that never gets better. I threw it up before I brushed my teeth. I sat on my bed and waited. He called every Saturday.I knew that if he hadn’t called all week he would call me Saturday. While I waited I decided to listen to Ed Sheeran. I flipped through the songs until I found my favorite one.

I found your hair band on my bedroom floor,

The only evidence that you’ve been here before,

And I don’t get waves of missing you anymore,

They’re more like tsunami tides in my eyes,

I looked at the background to my phone. It was me and Harry when we had our “us day”. He had two French fries shoved up his nose while I was to busy laughing to notice that he had taken a picture.

Never getting dry,

So I get high,

Smoke away the days then I sleep with the light on,

Weeks pass in the blink of an eye,

And I’m still drunk at the end of the night,

I don’t drink like everybody else,

I do it to forget things about myself,

I stumble and fall with the headspin I’ve got,

My mind is with you,

But my heart’s just not,

I buried my chin in my fuzzy pillow. I have been drinking a lot more. I don’t remember most of the times, but the few I do remember were because I had thought about how much I missed him.

So am I close to you anymore,

If it’s over and there’s no chance that we’ll work it out,

That’s why you and I ended over UNI,

And I said that’s fine but you’re the only one who knows I lied,

You and I ended over UNI,

And I said that’s fine but you’re the only one that knows I lied,

Everybody said that we’d be together forever,

But I know that I never wanna settle down,

Come around break up the love like Lego now,

Never wanna turn into another like you,

Sleep in my thoughts,

Dance in my views,

Everything’s great but everything’s short,

But you live in your halls and I live in a tour bus,

Now I’m in position to be a stalker,

And everything I say seems to always sound awkward,

Like our last kiss,

It was perfect,

But we were nervous on the surface,

And I’m always saying that everyday it was worth it,

Pain is only relevant if it still hurts,

I forgot like an elephant or we can use a sedative,

And go back to the day we fell in love on our first kiss,

So am I close to you anymore,

If it’s over and there’s no chance that we’ll work it out,

That’s why you and I ended over UNI,

And I said that’s fine but you’re the only one that knows I lied,

But you and I ended over UNI,

And I said that’s fine but you’re the only one who knows I lied,

I listened to the rest of the song and cried. Hard. Right after the song ended my phone rang. I quickly wiped my tears and answered the phone. “Hello?” I could sense that he was smiling.

“Hey babe!” I felt a pang in my heart. “I have a huge surprise!” This is too much. I bit my lip to keep from crying. “What’s wrong?” I sighed.

“We need to talk.” I said with as much confidence I could muster up. “I can’t do this anymore.” I bit down harder to contain my emotions. “I’ve seen pictures of you coming out of clubs with girls and we never talk anymore. I just.” I fell back onto my bed. He was silent for a long time.

“Please don’t.” was the plead that came through the phone. I lost it. Tears streamed down my face.

“I miss you so much.” I managed to whisper between sobs. He sighed.

“I’m sorry.” I played with the hem of my shorts.

“I am too.” I hung up and curled into a ball.

I don’t know how long I had been lying here, but Kat woke me up. “You’ll never guess who came early!” she stopped when she saw me. I knew I looked horrible because my face was tight from all my crying. “Are you okay?” I shook my head.

“I think we broke up.” She froze.

“Um Vannah?” I looked up at her. “They’re in the living room.” I shook my head. The surprise!

“No. They’re in England.” She was about to say something when my door opened.

“Hey Kat, Do you have anything to eat?” A familiar Irish accent filled my room.

“Fuck! No! Uh! Sweet baby Jesus I swear…” I mumbled more curse words under my breath. I shot up and put my boots on and grabbed my jacket. I stormed out of my room. The living room held the one person I did not want to see. I walked in and tried to focus on leaving, but my eyes wouldn’t listen. His eyes met my tear filled ones and I froze for a second. I can’t take this. I ignored all the stares and walked out the door with him following behind me.