My dandelion-Everlark fanfiction

Chapter 5

It's almost midnight, when I decide to go back to my house. Peeta insists to walk me home. I try to tell him that I live right next to him, that I'll get home just fine, but he comes anyway. We walk very slowly and so close, our shoulders are most of the time touching each other. We don't say anything until we are at my doorstep and I have already opened the door.

"I can come tomorrow morning here again", he says. "To make some breakfast"

"Well if you want to", I smile and lean against the door. "I can leave the door open for you", I say.

"Great, I'll se you in the morning then", he says and hugs me tightly. Then as we pull apart he kisses me softly on the cheek. It's a sweet and soft kiss that leaves a tangling feel on my cheek. He looks me in the eyes and wishes me good night.

I lay on my bed, tired, but yet I can't fall asleep. It's a weird feeling really. I touch my cheek on the spot where Peeta kissed me and I bury my wide smile in my pillow. Could he really have come so far from the mutt he was turned into, that he could possibly love me again? The way he loved me ever since we were young? If he has, could we fall again for each other. Like for real, not as an act for anyone. That thought makes a warm feeling sparkle in my chest. It reminds me of the few real kisses we had, well the few ones that were real for me.

I wonder if Peeta felt like this every time we kissed. Would we both feel it now if we kissed? Would it feel magical, like the one on the beach in the quell or the one special kiss in the cave when I really felt the hunger take over? Is that what love feels like?

Could it not be too late for me to realise I love him and to allow myself to feel that way? Since I always concealed it, even from me. Only after Finnick told me deep down in 13 that it is obvious that I love him, it made me think of it. Then there was also Gale and I wasn't sure what I felt for him either. Back then I only knew that I loved Prim and with all the terror around me, there wasn't room for anything else.

Now I realise though - looking back at everything that happened - that I did not love Gale. Finnick was right saying that I loved Peeta. Only "I'm not saying in which way. Maybe you don't know yourself", he said to me. Which I guess was right then, but now, I know and I'm very close allowing it too. Only, after I do, there's no going back. But why would I have to go back, we're safely home now, with no war outside our window, without the fear of loosing one and other. It's safe now.

I take the pearl out of the drawer and roll it between my fingers like I used to do, when I missed the boy with the bread. Then after a while it falls of my hand and goes under my blanket. I immediately begin to search for it and when I don't find it my moves start to get faster and I get this mini panic that calms down only after I see the pearl under a wrinkle of my sheet. I sit back to the bed and roll the pearl a few times through my fingers and then on my lips before I put it back in the drawer, making sure it has no way to escape it and get lost. Then I allow it to myself. I allow to feel the way I feel towards Peeta.

I wake up to a mockingjay's singing in a nearby tree. It woke me before my nightmares could, because I can remember seeing not those pretty dreams, but I guess they weren't too bad then. I lay on my back for a while listening the bird sing. It sounds so beautiful. It reminds me of Ru.... Fast I get off bed and shake the image of the sweet, little girl - who loved music - being pierced by a spear. Why does even every beautiful thing has to be linked to a horrible memory?

I unbraid my fuzzy braid, brush my hair and do a new braid that now rests on my right shoulder. As I hear my stomach growl, I remember that Peeta was supposed to come here. The clock shows it's already almost 11 am so I assume he should be here by now. The thought makes me so excited and I rush to my wardrobe trying fast to decide what to wear. In the end I just throw on the same dress I had yesterday, because Peeta seemed to like it.

I nearly run down the stairs and straight to the kitchen, because it is the place Peeta would be. But as I walk in there, he's not there. There is no kettle on the stove, no smell of the cheese buns, no baker boy. I check out the living room and study just to be sure he's not here. Then he must still be sleeping. I feel disappointed that I can't see him right away but sit down on my couch to wait for him to come.

It's been 30, 40, nearly 50 minutes since I came downstairs and he hasn't still come. He can't be sleeping anymore. It's almost midday. I close the TV, that I turned on to kill some time and decide to go to his house. Maybe he's just forgot to come, or is painting and hasn't realised how much the time is. Or if he is still sleeping, it'll be nice for him to wake up to breakfast for change.

I don't even bother putting on a cardigan or anything. I just put on my shoes and I nearly run down the path. I reach his doorstep in no time and find that the door is unlocked so I just walk inside. I walk into kitchen and see he hasn't been baking here either. I see a kettle on the table, but since it's nearly empty and cold, I assume its from yesterday. I refill it and put it on the stove to warm up. I sit down and see there's still two muffins left on the table. Perfect. I need to open a few cupboards before I find some clean mugs. I place the other one on the table, and fill the other one with water and drink it. I sit down and wait a few more minutes for the kettle to whistle. Then I pour the tea into the mugs.

I can't wait anymore to see Peeta and I'm sure he won't mind me waking him up by now. I walk his stairs up and find his bedroom door open. I'm a bit confused but I still knock on the door, if he's somewhere Around the corner, where you can't really see by the door. No answer. I'm beginning to get really worried. I walk inside and see a chaos. There are paints on the floor and a painting, which seems to be crushed. I take it in my hands and what I can make of it, it's me in a hospital room - by my outfit I can tell I'm in 13 again - but I look weird in this picture. I look bad, evil even. That's when I realise he had another flash back. A worse one than in a long time probably.

The painting falls on the floor as I feel the shock take over. I notice the blood on the corridor floor outside his room. I find a crushed glass vase on the floor next to a wooden dresser. How did I not see them when I came upstairs?! The glass pieces are bloody and I know he must have crushed it with his hands. I feel suddenly so scared. All alone in a house with bloody floors and broken glass. But more I'm afraid for Peeta. Where is he? He's injured. Where has he gone?!

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How has it been so far? Hope you're enjoying it xx