My dandelion-Everlark fanfiction

Chapter 34

I'm laying in the bed of the compartment 2212. Prim pulls the covers nicely over me and tucks my hair behind my ears. Somehow I am aware that this is a dream, but for once is not a nightmare. It's a peaceful and calm dream. I don't want to open my eyes to a world where she is gone, but I can sense my dream slowly fading away. The harder I try to hold on to it, the quicker it slips away.

Just when my eyes flutter open, I recall the moment when that dream took place and something that she then said comes back to me:

"There's a chance that the old Peeta, the one who loves you, is still inside. Trying to get back to you. Don't give up on him."

I stare at the roof of our room, even though it's so dark I can barely see it. We've been back home for a few days now, leaving Annie in District 4 with little Nick. I lean my head against Peeta's chest and think about Prim's words.

If it weren't from prim, for her hope and her gift to see the light even in the darkest times, would I have given up on the baker boy, the one laying in the bed next to me, holding me close, keeping me safe? If it weren't for the little duck, would I ever even had really talked to him in the first place?

It was her who got us together, it was her who got the Mockingjay to change the world, it was her who started it all. Without her and my undying, unconditional, love for her, we would still be living under Snow's watch, sending kinds to the reaping, to the games. It all began from her, from the little girl, who then grew up too fast, who saw hope, who had a brave and kind heart, our father's level head, our mother's healing hands, my fight and her own goodness.

A million memories flash in my mind. Prim begging to save Buttercup when I first found him, Prim cuddling next to me at night. Prim listening to our father sing, Her face when I got Lady for her, a pink ribbon around the goat's neck. Prim watching my mother's careful hands as she began to heel Lady's wounds, Prim holding the poor goat, whispering soothing things to her, until Lady licked her face. The way she giggles, the way her eyes flicker when she smiles. Her little hand stroking Buttercup behind his ears as he purrs. Her tears for our lost father, us hugging each other. Her taking me to the bakery to see Peeta's cakes.

Her crying and begging for me to try and win the games, not caring about the wealth, but getting me back. Her skinny body almost starving to death, her worried face when I year after year signed in for the tesserae. Her braids falling down her back, me tucking her shirt in her skirt, calling her little duck and her quacking afterwards. Her screams the night before the reaping, the smile of enjoyment on her face, when our father was able to buy us an orange.

Her slow, shocked steps towards the stage as her name was reaped from the glass bowl the day everything changed. Her hysterical crying when I volunteered. Her hugging Buttercup in her bed back in the seam, her hugging buttercup in District 13. Her happy wave for me when I got back home from the first games. Her three finger salute for me before I entered the quell. Her kissing my cheek after I brought home food.

Her telling they're training her to be a doctor, her going after Buttercup during the drill, me looking at her, realizing how much she had grown, her knowing about Peeta's crush for me, her sticking with me in the hospital of 13, her sleeping face, next to my mum in the seam. Prim climbing in the bunker with me, to tell me I could ask for Peeta back, her telling me it was going to be okay, her keeping me alive.

Prim dancing with me at Finnick and Annie's wedding, me holding baby Prim with the assistant of my father, Prim and I singing the hanging tree together, right before our mother banned it. Prim's happy eyes, her sweet smile, her saying "I love you" to me.

I rise up from the bed, careful not to wake Peeta and with the help from my sticks up to my armpits, I tiptoe to a room that has been closed for so long, the room I never had the courage to go after I came back. I slowly open the door to her room and walk in. It hasn't been touched after she flew from the firebombing over a year ago. The room is so silent, empty and as I sit on her bed, I realize it's also very dusty.

My eyes wonder around the room. A pair of thick leggings and a grey shirt on her chair, a tiny bag that still has a few mint candy in it, on the table next to her hairbrush, which still has the pink ribbon, that Lady once wore, around it, like it has had for many years.

Then my eyes stop on an object right next to her bed. I stand up to take it. It is a picture of us, taken in the party held in District 12 after my first games. I wipe the dust away, to see it clearer and only when a tear drops on the glass of the frame, I sit back onto her bed, another tear falling down. How badly I miss her, how much I wish she was here, smiling, being happy, living her life, one day being a doctor, having a crush, having her first kiss, falling in love, getting married, being a happy, beautiful bride, someday a mother. But this cruel world has destroyed her all those opportunities, the cruel world has destroyed her and taken her away. I hope into a better place. Maybe she could've been reunited with father. Maybe she knows Rue too. They could keep each other company, be friends. But I hope wherever they are, it's somewhere safe and happy.

I hug the picture and tightly shut my eyes, fighting off the pain. I get scared when Buttercup silently appears to the room and his fur touches my bare leg. I grab him and press him against my chest, laying down on Prim's bed, burying my face in his fur. After a while he gets annoyed and I have to let him go so that he doesn't scratch me. He goes near my feet, to the other side of the bed and lays down in his old spot.

I can feel the dust from Prim's bed going to my nose and right after I sneeze, I notice Peeta in the doorway. He looks at me a little worried and with a sad expression, before sitting down on the bed.

"It's dusty", he says looking around the room. I don't answer him, but it wasn't a comment he was waiting an answer for. "I got worried when I saw you weren't next to me, so I came to look and then you sneezed telling me where you were", he begins, rubbing my thigh. "You haven't been in here for a long time. What brought you here?"

"Prim", I answer.

"A nightmare?" he asks.

"A dream. And then all the memories", I answer catching one more tear. "I don't know what to do with all the feels", I whisper.

But Peeta has a solution: "Write it down."

And I do. I write everything I remember of her. The sun is about to rise when I finally put the pen down. I can see Peeta's drawing is starting to look ready too. I give a sad smile to him as he shows me the picture of the beautiful blond girl, standing in the middle of a field full of white and yellow flowers, in a field full of Primroses.