everyday is the same.
6:20am
my alarm goes off.
i get up.
i call my boyfriend.
have a bowl.
make my coffee.
7:00am
i get dressed.
my boyfriend hangs up and goes to work.
i have another bowl.
7:30am
we leave the house and walk to work.
8:00am
i get to work.
i sit in the spare office on my phone.
9:00am
i open the office for the day.
make a cup of tea.
paperwork.
10:00am
paperwork.
maybe i answer the phone a couple times.
11:00am
maybe appointments?
12:00pm
put out the lunch sign.
lock the door.
make my lunch.
sit in the spare office and eat.
go on my phone.
12:30
put my dishes away.
paperwork.
1:00pm
make another cup of tea.
paperwork.
2:00pm
paperwork.
3:00pm
paperwork.
4:00pm
paperwork.
5:00pm
close the office for the night.
get ready.
get in the truck.
5:10pm
go to the buy-low for groceries for dinner.
go home.
5:35pm
get home.
get changed.
have a bowl.
6:00pm
have a shower.
have another bowl.
7:00pm
have dinner.
wash my dishes.
sit in my room on my phone.
8:30pm
fill up my water bottle.
brush my teeth.
call my boyfriend.
have my last bowls of the day.
lay in bed talking to my boyfriend.
10:00pm
put my retainer in.
and go to bed.
,
,
everyday is the same.
i am in unbearable pain everyday.
the depression that is swarming my life is beating my ass and it is pathetic
he keeps me alive.
how could i put that on another human??
but everyday is the same.
at first it was okay,
i could handle it.
i liked the routine.
but then as i sat at that desk.
day after day.
doing these redundant, tedious, tasks.
i started to let myself think a little more,
and work a little less.
and before i knew it,
every morning,
tears would fall down onto the desk.
and then without even realizing,
i started to look for objects
just something little,
but sharp.
but he is too good.
he deserves someone good too.
and i need to be that someone.
so i need to be good.
but every fucking day is the same.
and i am not as strong as i used to be.
i am not as strong as i can be.
i don't know what to do anymore.
so i sit at that desk,
and i think about her,
and how much therapy has helped her.
everything she's told me.
and i think,
i cant do this alone anymore.
and i can't put this on him anymore.
i need help.
YOU ARE READING
day by day
PoetryIt's okay to not be okay. We are all one struggle away. Your change is gonna come. You just keep believing day by day. This storm will eventually run out of rain.