day by day

when

when does it stop hurting.

when do I stop missing you.

when does it get easier to breathe.

when will the weight be lifted from my lungs.

when the fuck will this all end.

when will I wake up and not love you anymore.

when will I stop missing your arms around me.

your hands exploring every curve as if it's all you ever wanted.

as if you were starving for my body against yours.

when does that go away?

when do i get to lay in bed in peace.

when will i get a good night sleep because you're not longer on my mind.

you are my insomnia.

you are my drug.

i drink to forget you.

not because i like being drunk.

not because i like alcohol.

but because lately, you are every thought.

it got so bad so fast and i dont know why.

i don't know what triggered this sudden relapse.

you're gone.

you're not coming back.

i fucking hate you.

"thanks for ruining my life"

i ruined your life?

fuck. you.

you destroyed me.

i am broken.

i cant even imagine loving someone as much as i love you.

you fucked me up.

so fuck that "ruined my life" bullshit

because you ruined me.

you said you loved me.

and you fucking lied.

now everytime anyone says it to me i don't believe it.

because you didn't mean it.

so why should they.

fuck i miss you.

i miss you so much james.

every bone in my body aches.

i crave your touch again.

your lips dancing with mine.

but you're not here.

and not a minute goes by lately, that i don't want to kill myself.

i'm not blaming you for my depression. or my suicidal thoughts.

i'm blaming you for breaking me and turning me into something i never wanted to be.

i'm blaming you for making me fall in love with you, and getting me so hopelessly addicted to your love, that i have to replace my blood with rum for it to stop.

for all of this to stop.

i just want it

to

stop.

.
.
.
when do you come back and tell me you fucked up? that you love me more than anything? that you tried to live without me and it didn't feel right anymore?

when do i stop hoping?

when does this hell end.

when do i get over you.?