day by day

WANTED : CLOSURE

closure is something that we as humans need.

whether it's after something horrifically tragic happens to us,

or whether the unthinkable happens.

we desire closure.

we generally cannot move on with our lives without it.

we've grown very accustom to knowing "why"

that when we don't, it is hell.

and if we don't know why, we wonder.

and we assume.

and we do all these things to try and figure out why that one person left us.

that one person who said they would never.

that one person who said they loved us.

we sit,

and we overthink

trying to find the 'why'

and I promise you there is one.

I promise you it's not just because they got tired of you.

or you weren't good enough.

or you were too fucked up.

I promise, that ain't it.

I have been left, more times than I can count.

but theres only been a few times that it really mattered.

and usually, it's when I don't know 'why'

and when I don't know why,

I either find out.

or I come up with a really good reason.

and no, "I wasn't good enough for him to stay"

is not a really good reason.

that is a very shitty lie.

truth is, no one is ever not "good enough"

if you think that you are good enough then who the hell cares why that boy left you.

he obviously couldn't see how utterly amazing you are.

because if you have confidence and self love,

everyone else will see that and love you too.

so, closure.

I hate it.

but I crave it.

I long to know why he left.

to know exactly where I fucked up so much that he couldn't love me anymore.

to know, exactly what I did that hurt him so bad that he decided to put me in this state of unbearable pain.

this overwhelming state of depression.

to know exactly what his thought process was that day.

when I texted him and told him I missed him.

did he throw away everything we had, for a real reason?

or simply because he could.

because it wouldn't hurt him?

closure.

we have to know.

but sometimes we're definitely better off not knowing.

especially when it turns out that what we feared all along was the reason,

actually is.

so, that's when we say,

fuck you and your closure.