Silent Pantomime

Chapter 41 | Closure hurts

Chapter 41🌌:

Only until recently, if anyone had asked me what love was, I would have said "love is fake, just ask my parents." I used to try and make myself believe that, but now I definitely don't. I just had to lose it all to finally feel it properly.

Right now I was excessively invisible, which is why all of my thoughts were even deeper, constantly thinking about love and life or something strange like that. All of these memories and ideas kept getting rooted out from my head, and I was trying this new thing where I would write them down instead of bottle it up to the point where I would cry about getting offered a wrap.

So far I had written down seventy one thoughts, and it had only been a few hours since I had written all over my mirror with lipstick. People who were self-diagnosed with an attention obsessed disorder, while being shunned to silence have to keep sane somehow.

"I'm so scared about being forgotten."
"A monster is only not a monster when you love it."
"Nightmares are scarier during the day."
"In the middle of everyone's chaos is me."
"I pretend to love what loves me, but I never hate the ones who hate me."

Those five were the least deranged, but they only got worse from there. My little notebook alone would've been enough to make the strongest of people cry, it was filled with doodles that I did when I was angry, and seventy one secrets that would probably be best kept quiet. I went far too into how loyalty can make a fool of you, how I wanted people to tell me that they loved me in person as well as next to my grave, and how I was scared people would wake up missing me but it will be too late. It was only the end of the day, and my new way of bursting into tears on paper was already frightening enough - I didn't know how I could pull through six more days of this.

It wasn't that late in the evening, but I was done throwing myself a pity party because no guests could show up, so I decided to just go to bed. Pretty girls don't cry, they just need beauty sleep.

***

"Hey Hazel,
Well, haven't you handled this ghost week in an interesting way? Writing without realising it, staring into mirrors, a personal demon's diary. They are all rather psychotic, don't you think? But don't worry your pretty little head, you've written enough of your catastrophe - so let me write your next chapter.

Let's paint the picture. Nowadays, people keep giving their all to someone as if their heart is refundable. Then it ends, they're heartbroken, but the other person acts like they don't care. One person is left beautifully broken, sat with a tidal wave of emotions constantly drowning them; and the other is left happily with their next target to break. The sad one doesn't think they have any closure, when in reality they do. The closure is that it's over, and closure is definitely not always happy. It is awful for some, but they need to learn that what's done is done. It is obviously much easier to say than to do, but that is the cold hard truth.

Don't ask yourself why I am telling you this, because the answer is simple. It must sound familiar to you, because isn't that what happened between you and Oliver? You left for more love, and he was left unloved.

Don't hold up on that thought though, because I have a surprise for you, as a treat for you doing so well on your first day of the game. I'm not that mean at all, you did well, so you get a prize.

Oliver got his closure with you, but you never got yours. I put a USB in the envelope, watch it, but don't say a word. You've done well Hazel, so don't screw it up. I have a few surprises up my sleeve, some are good for you, and some are much better for me.