Silent Pantomime

Chapter 19 | Fairies die, angels cry

Chapter 19🌌:

Isn't there something so magical about ice?

Fragments of crystals sewn together to make the most natural jewel of the world. It's pretty and pure, but can have the power to kill. Yet we can all wear skates to slice it without a second thought, just gliding across its glassy diamond face. But something about it is just...magical.

There was an ice skating rink the next town over that Cassidy's dad owned, so we were lucky to get in for free. I had my wrist in a makeshift bandage made from my scarf as I glided around effortlessly with Cassidy following suit. We were barely talking as we skated, turning sharper and sharper corners and gradually getting faster and faster. I'd never had the opportunity to skate like this, it had always been too crowded - but I didn't mind. Something about defying gravity and just spinning out of control felt so freeing.

After a few more laps Cassidy started laughing, and pulled me off the rink to get a drink from the vending machine. "I never knew you were so good at skating," she said and I smiled.

"I'm not, it's just the matter of being able to move in the rhythm of the ice," I beamed and Cassidy laughed harder.

"But ice doesn't move?" She asked confused.

"Exactly. Sometimes you just need to rely on the forces of velocity and pull to move you, it's too much effort to do all the work all the time," and Cassidy shook her head.

"You never listened in physics, did you?"

"Nope." I walked back onto the ice, "Plus, it is usually too busy to move so freely."

But Cassidy's face immediately fell.

"What?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"It's nothing," she said bluntly.

"Oh." I replied, but I could read how tense she had suddenly become. "What is it?" I asked again, and moved towards her.

"It's just...it has been like a ghost town all day. Everyone is scared, people won't go out, no one knows what is happening. You weren't the only one who skipped school today," she whispered and looked at me.

"Oh."

I mean it did make sense, I doubt people's first thought after a teenage boy's murder was to go figure skating or go shopping in H&M. But I had never expected anyone to be scared. I should have been the one who was scared. I had solid evidence of a murderer that I was literally hiding under my pillow, the murderer was my stalking me and the murderer was using my fake name.

"It feels like we are in one of those moments," I started to say, not really to Cassidy, but more to the world, "You know when you are little and you are told that if you lie you make a fairy die, or if you upset someone you make an angel cry or, I don't know? Make a princess fall over? It feels like someone did something so wrong, that...that everyone is that fairy dying or that angel crying."

Cassidy looked at me after a second, "That was deep."

I laughed, "I'm full of deep thoughts."

"Meaning?"

"Nothing..."

I glanced down at my distorted figure on the ice and shuddered, still trying to shake the dream I had had earlier. "Hey Cass, what does gluttony mean?"

She paused for a second to think about it. "It's one of the seven deadly sins I think. It means excessive consumption or something like that. Why'd you ask?" She answered as I played with my fingers.

"Oh no reason, just read it somewhere," I quickly replied and skated off.

Excessive consumption? As in eating too much food? If anything it was the total opposite, I had probably not eaten enough for years. If Cassidy wasn't there I would have wanted to scream. I didn't know why. I just felt like screaming, just throwing all of my confusion and anger in a pot and launching it out into the world.

Eventually I went home and it was that strange "twilight hour" where the sky is that blue shade where the sun is below the horizon, making everything seem slightly darker but light enough to see it. As I reached my house, my dad must have been home as his car was parked on the driveway. Not wanting to run into him, I immediately went upstairs into my room and slammed the door shut. Sadly my room didn't lock, but I wished beyond the universe that it would.

I went straight to computer to log onto Tumblr and rant. I refused to look at my "please be honest" comments as it felt too wrong to be good after I knew what bad was right in my hands. So I started to type.

"Tell me how good it feels to be needed. Sure people may like you, sure people may even want you - but does anyone actually need you? What is your actual purpose? I don't have one. No one needs me. Not one person in the world would suffer if I just upped and left. In fact the world would probably be a better place. But I still need people. If anyone sees me I want them to actually see me. Notice me. Like me. Want me. Need me. But if that won't work, just smile. Make me know that you've at least seen me - even though your see may be different to my see. Focus on me on a soul level and don't stop that focus. I need to be thought of all day and night, because what is the point otherwise? So just smile at me. Please."

As I slammed my laptop shut, I heard something behind me drop on the floor. Instinctively I turned around, just wishing my dad hadn't walked in without me noticing. I glanced down at the floor and saw a red lipstick that I hadn't worn in years just sat there. It's cap was pulled off, as if someone had used it. My eyes followed up to the mirror stand behind the lipstick. But the mirror wasn't clear anymore.

"Hey Hazel,
You can't see it but I'm smiling
at you
- Lust"