Silent Pantomime

Chapter 44 | Death of the world

Chapter 44🌌: cw-I do mention different mental disorders, including eating disorders, in this chapter. I don't go too far into it, but if it is a trigger, don't stress yourself and skip this chapter🤍

Childhood has always secretly been the same as the real world, if not, it is far worse. People have grown to live with their broken lives, their broken loves, their broken minds. But children are taught all the wrong things that prepare them for absolutely nothing. They believe in a world where the prince always falls for the princess, where the dragon gets defeated and the witches get locked up, when in reality, that barely ever happens. Children aren't ever taught that a prince can fall for a prince, that having to breathe fire isn't always bad, and that the bad people never fully disappear. They aren't taught life, or the evils that come with it.

The reason why I said that childhood is worse than anything else is because when you grow older, everything you believed in gets crushed. Of course it is good that some things are changing, but it isn't good how children are taught to walk in glass slippers instead of taught how to smash them, and then use a shard as a dagger to fight for what they believe in. In the real world, some people don't even bother to hide their true colours, as everyone is used to the same shades, and soon that shade becomes what everybody aspires to be. Whereas in childhood, the rest of the world thinks that the children are colourblind.

Take Winnie the Pooh for example, all of the animals are simply just imaginary, just hallucinations. Kids are brought up seeing woodland creatures having adventures in the Hundred Acre Wood, when they are all fake, even in the fake world. The main boy that plays with the animals is schizophrenic, and all of his friends represent other disorders. Winnie the Pooh represents an eating disorder, Rabbit represents OCD, Piglet represents anxiety, Eeyore represents depression, and the list goes on. The animal that symbolises a certain disorder always coincidently shows up when Christopher Robin is in a certain mood that can mimic that disorder. So the show that many children are watching may look like a boy playing with his friends, when it all is just a sick boy getting haunted by his thoughts.

I hate my childhood, because it was perfect. I'm jealous of the younger me. It's strange to be jealous of your younger self, but it wasn't like we were the same person anymore. I'm jealous of how happy she was, but I somewhat feel sorry for her. She thought her life would be beautiful, when really all of it is practically the same as the Evil Queen looking hideous, but lying to the mirror and saying the opposite. Although, I'm not just the only one who was used to lies, and then was shattered to find out the truth.

Cassidy was chasing me down the road as I stormed out of the shop, which was when I realised that I would still have to put on a fake smile. I'd cried on her shoulder enough, so now it was time to toughen up, even if it wasn't real. She was basically Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh without realising it, and it was a surprise that the girl wasn't just a figure of my imagination. Rabbit is meant to represent OCD, where one of it's common traits is wanting everything to be perfect and stay that way. Shockingly, that wasn't me, because I wanted me to be perfect, and only me, not everything else. But with Cassidy, she was used to me being perfect, and was showing up right when I was faltering. I had established this image of being untouchable, having no one else to break me. But now I was breaking, she didn't like it, and wanted to fix it. It is easier to lie to yourself than believe the truth, so she was just proving to herself that I was flawless instead of flawed.

Normal people don't like manipulating their friends, but I was proud that she wanted me to stay as an idol. I know it sounds bad, but she's only seventeen, so she's still got a year before more tangled secrets like this flower right in front of her.

"I'm so sorry Hazel, that was out of order. I should have said something, I just didn't know what to say. I had to quickly pick up that food order, then Cameron just started talking about how he didn't know how I could put up with you. He said something like you are strange, as you are clearly very social, but also really closed off. As if it's his business what you're thinking."