Silent Pantomime

Chapter 55 | Romanticise my life

Chapter 55🌌: tw/cw- talks about death/suicide/abuse/drugs/swearing - this is just showing the extremes of Hazel - none of these things should be romanticised. Also sorry about the very slow updates🤍

Deaths in movies are always so dramatic that it is almost romanticised, every detail down to the bone being placed for a reason. But the character will act like they don't want it, as they lie screaming in the rain, dirt on dirt caking their face. As they scream they fumble over how they had never figured out who they'd loved, and now they'll never get the chance to say it to anybody. There was either the boy who had loved them in such a possessive way that they weren't allowed to meet to anyone else, blocking out the rest of the world. Then there was the boy who blocked out the rest of the world with just one look, but threatened to hurt himself if they'd ever try to leave. The character dying felt like they had been trapped in a fishing net instead of the safety of her loved one's hands. But as the rain pounded, and their screams stopped, the Artemis character's twisted loves became memories - with no one knowing how their last chapter went. It was only the audience that knew that dawn would only have kissed them if they still had a journey left, and as they had left people with a lesson to learn, their love had to be lost. As the credits roll in, you hear a baby crying in the distance, showing how just because one story is over, millions are only just beginning.

See, it's dramatic.

I was too much of a failed manic pixie dream girl for that anyway. So I used the knife to get myself to talk instead, as talking my way out of trouble used to be one of my biggest talents, so it couldn't fail me now.

"I'm sorry Hazel, but I don't think you're in the right state to leave to, you know, buy a red rose?" Rebekah said to me wearily, as I dropped the knife onto the ground.

She didn't understand, I wasn't going to buy a rose to cover my pretty lips and bury myself in a grave. I wanted to go and see my mum, as she hadn't received flowers in a long time, let alone talked.

But I still didn't want to use my mum as bait to let me leave the hospital, I still hated to use her as a sob story, she was better than that. Plus, interesting stories could get me the attention I was still craving. So, just like deaths in movies, I was going to take something bad, and romanticise my life with it.

"No Rebekah, you don't understand, I have to go," I whispered to her, trying to get into some vulnerable character type thing to stop the bad thoughts in my head. The spotlight should always drown out the darkness.

"I understand you don't want to stay here Hazel, but I'm going to call my colleague to help me make things more comfortable for you. Hospitals can be scary, but we need to work out how you ended up here," Rebekah whispered back.

"How I ended up here? I tried to kill myself. I ran in front of cars in a ballgown. Simple as that."

"That's the problem Hazel, we can't just let you leave here, especially when you are clearly so fragile right now. We need to work out why you are feeling like this, and then how you ended up with different hair colour and stitches on, well, you know..."

"Fragile? I'm not a vase. You don't understand. Please just let me go, I'll tell you why I did it."

"That doesn't explain the stitchings, the cameras couldn't see who did it to you."

"Then let me explain, I'm not going to get you in any trouble."

"Okay..."

And just like that, my web of lies only grew and got more tangled.

"Well, you see, I wanted to get hurt as payback for my boyfriend. We are always either in heaven or in hell when we are together, and yesterday we got into this huge, heated fight. We were home alone in his flat, it's in this practically desolate building, I swear it's illegal for him to live there, as I've never seen anyone else go in or out, and there's no electricity or doorman. I had went to the charity shop just before, and bought this gorgeous ballgown for a fiver, and I walked into his building with it on and a masquerade mask. He laughed as he saw me, and told me I looked like a princess, and I laughed and told him I looked like a queen. No one else was in the building, so he started to chase me around, seeing if a queen could run with such a big crown of ego on her head."