Silent Pantomime

Chapter 47 | Thank you for loving me

Chapter 47🌌:

"If you love me, let me go."

After Annika left, I wasn't drawn back into my dreamless world, but my monsters decided to come out to play. As soon as I hit the pillow, I could feel the screaming from my head become a movie instead.

I was stood next to Oliver, and he was whispering strange things into my ear, talking about how I should be releasing him, because if I loved him, I would free him. I wasn't too sure what he was talking about, as it was just us two stood in a dimly lit room, staring at a mirror on the wall.

"You used to smile at the mirror when you thought of me. Do you remember that?" He whispered at me, but with a strange overtone in his voice that I wasn't used to. My eyes were dropping tears of gold, shimmers trailing down my face. Of course I remembered how he used to make me smile, because nobody had usually made me happy. This made even more golden droplets fall down, and as I tried to wipe them with my hands, the glittery shreds just seemed to go everywhere.

"Stop letting your stars burst right in front of you, that means you are losing hope. There are thousands of beautiful things waiting to happen for you, and if you lose your hope, then they will fly right over you."

I stared down at the puddle of gold on the floor underneath me, as even in my dream, I was terrified that my eyes were losing their magic - or as Oliver called it, hope. I suppose I was hopeless without the stars in my eyes, as they were the foundations of everything I had revolved my life around.

"At some point you will have to smile about me again. We never got a proper goodbye, and you'll have to live with that. Time will only make you overthink, so smile about what we were a long time ago, then live your life how you always talked about it being."

He grabbed my hand, and unlike his odd tone, his hand felt exactly the same. He wasn't just grabbing me to shake some sense into me, he was just like how he was before everything fell apart. My eyes were still fixated onto the floor, but I was trying to hold back the gold, so I just squeezed his hand tighter.

"I still love you, and I'm hoping that somewhere deep down in you still loves me too. What you did should be unforgivable, but I forgave you a long time ago, so if you really want to make it up to me, if you really do love me, you have to let me go."

He paused as I felt him rest his head on top of mine.

"You have to keep the promise of not punishing yourself, but your vow of not thinking of me is clearly not going too well. You need to learn that you can't keep playing the universe, your lonely eyes won't carry you forever. Your stars are a part of you, but everything happening is a part of life. If you really love me, let me go, and let everything fall into place."

He nudged my arm slightly, causing me to look back up at the mirror. To no surprise, both of our reflections had disappeared. So I turned to face Oliver, which was when the golden tears stopped falling.

"Being a ghost is torture for you, so don't try to be one forever. Don't leave any unfinished business in your life, and don't let anyone take that away from you, especially yourself. Everyone loves your eyes, but you have been living your life with them closed. If you see something, have it. Keep it. Don't lose something that has found you, that's the same as losing your heart to your head."

The words coming into my mind were different to ones I had ever thought of before, so I stared deeper into his eyes, listening intently while I stayed in my silence.

"Pay attention to yourself, don't demand it from everyone else. Damaging yourself can only damage your spirit, and you deserve to be happy. There is beauty inside your madness, so don't forget to wear it, and stop worrying about things out of your control. Loving you killed me, but I'm not going to let your killing make you never love anything."