Mujer Desinteresada

Chapter 1

I really hate the feeling of being unimportant to those people who are very important to me. I'm not saying that they should care for me the same way I do... I just... I just want them to at least appreciate me. Kahit ngayong araw lang... Is it too much to ask?

I shook my head and inhaled harshly to erase all the negative thoughts when the speaker started to introduce me on the stage. She smiled and glance at me; simply saying to get ready.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, she is also a well rounded student who graduated Summa Cum Laude, Bachelor of Science in Business Administration, Ms. Allianna Rei Villiaga Lim!"

The crowd cheered loudly, halos mabingi na ako sa lakas. Ang iba pa napatayo sa kani-kanilang mga upuan. Wow, Miralians are so very supportive! Especially my friends, I can clearly hear their voices too!

I composed myself and forced to smiled as I elegantly walk on the stage. "Congratulations, Ms. Lim," our dean said with a wide smile. Tinanggap ko ang kamay niya. "Maraming salamat po..." mahinhing tugon ko sa kanilang lahat nang kamayan ako at nang matanggap na ang degree certificate ko.

'Pag baba matapos kong magsalita sa harap ay umupo akong muli sa aking upuan sa harapan at luminga; nagbabakasakaling kahit tapos na akong parangalan ay darating sila. Pero bigo ako. Nahagip ng paningin ang ilan sa mga kaibigan sa bandang likod.

"Fighting!" they mouthed as they did some hand gestures. I smiled and nodded before doing the same hand gesture thing.

Maging ang mga magulang na kitang kita kung gaano sila kasaya at ka proud sa kanilang mga anak. Ang iba pa ay umiiyak na sa galak. My smile faded, kimirot ang dibdib ko sa nakikita. Ramdam kong gusto ng kumawala ng luha ngunit huminga na lamang ako nang malalim saka nag-iwas ng tingin.

I mastered hiding my pain for years, ngayon pa ba ako bibigay? Saka, sanay na rin naman ako na wala sila sa lahat ng special events sa buhay ko, dapat ay wala na lang sa'kin 'to.

It's okay... I'm okay. I'm always okay.

"Ms. Allianna, may nagpa-paabot po..." Kumunot ang aking noo nang may isang binata ang nag-abot sa'kin ng panyo. Bahagya siyang nakayuko, marahil ayaw maka-agaw ng pansin.

"Sa'kin?" Napahawak pa 'ko sa dibdib sa gulat. Tumango ang lalaki. "Kanino raw galing?" takang tanggap ko, lubos na naguguluhan.

"Ah, pogi po e." tawa niya sa tinuran.

"Basta po sabi niya basahin niyo nalang daw po 'yung nasa loob. Una na po ako...Congrats po!" he then ran without saying any clue who gave this aside from being handsome. Ang dami kayang pogi sa mundo! Pa'no kung si Shawn Mendes 'to? Jesus.

I slowly unfolded the white clean handkerchief.  And there. I saw a pastel pink sticky note with an impressive and clean cursive penmanship.

It pains me seeing your fake smiles. It's okay to cry, my love...You can hide that pain to everyone but not to me. I know better. It's okay to cry that out, hmm? Remember, the beautiful sky cries too...

Kumunot ang noo ko at binasa itong muli.  What the... Huh? I looked around but no one was looking at me, all graduates were all focused on the stage.

There's something on the note that made my heart melt. My eyes twinkled as my lips lifted into a smile.

I do. I do cry a lot... But I won't let anyone see that.

I begged myself for the past years to keep all my vulnerabilities inside me. And now that I made that happen, hindi ako gagawa ng dahilan upang sirain iyon.

Tapos na akong maging mahina.
 
Kaya kung nais man niyang sabihin na dapat kong ilabas ang sakit dahil sa hindi pag sipot ng parents ko, hindi ko 'yon magagawa. Not here. Never.