the rumor || 2kim

confusing feelings

[CHAEWON POV]

Hi, I am the scandalous girl Chaewon. People think I am scandalous... it's because people think I'm a bully even I am not..

If everyone were aware about the truth, everything would stop.

But... I can't drop the truth... what if everyone acts like my old best friend?

The old best friend I trusted so much... I told her my biggest secret because I didn't want it to be a secret anymore but everything went into a disaster....

The truth made her hate me and she spread rumours about me. Her lies about me bullying her... I've never wanted to bully her. I wanted to do the opposite...

All those memories make me hating feelings. I hate feelings. I don't want to feel anything. Not sadness, not happiness. I want to be empty.

The feeling I am the most tired of is love.

Love made me fall into this chaos...

The feeling called "love" has destroyed my entire life. I can't turn back to the normal life I used to have.

Just because I wanted to open myself to that one old friend....

Anyways, I was at the point where I had lost all of the emotions I had. I reached my goal. Being empty is wonderful.

All of sudden, someone took this goal away.

Kim Minjoo, the angelic Kim Minjoo.

When I saw her for the first time, I thought an angel was standing in front of me.

She looked interesting, so I followed her and watched her everyday in school. She's a very lonely person... I heard people saying she always has been like this. Always lonely in her entire life.

To be honest, I wish I was like this too. A life in which you never had people around you so you can't experience traumatic things caused by humans. I'm so jealous...

My head says leave her alone but my heart says get closer to her. I don't want to ruin her lonely life. It must be beautiful. But I still want to be her friend and I don't know why.

But... at the same time I don't want friends and she probably heard about the rumours...

No one wants to interact with me.

And nobody wants to interact with her...

We are the same at this point.

Thinking of I will never get to talk to her, it happened anyway.

One day, Kim Minsoo came to me and confessed to me. I asked him how this is possible because he doesn't know me. He told me he watched me from a distance and always found me interesting and attractive.

So it's just my appearance? I knew it. But I saw this as a chance to clean my past. Being in a relationship with the school head boy would stop people attacking me.

Yes I know, it's a snake move to use him for selfish reasons but I don't care.

Even so, it was the best decision I made. This decision led me to the girl I've watched since day one. To his sister Kim Minjoo.

I didn't know he is her brother because nobody talked about it. He didn't mention it either.

Honestly I was glad he left me alone with her.

Even she made me angry and crying... and I lost my goal of being empty... I felt so free... she gave me freedom of emotions. She showed me it's okay to cry. It's okay to show emotions. This was the first time someone was okay with my emotions...

I wanted to say thank you but I couldn't. I felt guilty so I lied to her brother to protect her. Minsoo was so irrelevant at the moment. The only focus I was able to lay on was this one angel. This one girl who owns the name Kim Minjoo.

We even exchanged numbers!! I'm glad...

But I can't be her friend yet. I can't trust her yet. My old best friend was nice too until I opened up about my secret.

But still.... she is the first human who gifted me a smile on my face. It has been a long time since I smiled the last time.

I am thankful to her.

But.... what if it's not okay. Is it okay to smile? Is Kim Chaewon allowed to smile? I don't think so.

Even it felt good, I should continue being empty. Happiness is just a suffer.

But... I want to smile with her..

I want to laugh with her...

Like I did with my old best friend.

This Minjoo gives me confusing feelings...

What do I feel? I can't describe it.

[TO BE CONTINUED]