BABY GIRL

Funeral

Today was Tarma's funeral and I was devasted. It seemed like it set me back and I was starting to heal. Vain told me that I didn't have to go but I had to. Whether he knew it or not, I owed her that. She was my best friend and I loved her. Even though she betrayed me, I loved her. She didn't deserve what happened to her at all. Truth is, her story is kind of complicated. I never got the opportunity to talk about her. Whether it was because I was mad at her or I was too busy. But I was going to now. Tarma was born into a two-parent household. Both of her parents are doctors. This makes them very wealthy people. Tarma is the only child and that's because her parents are too busy working. Her mother was shocked when she found out that she was pregnant with Tarma. When Tarma turned eight years old, her parents divorced. Her father moved to Florida and she was left to live with her mother. When she was twelve, her mother remarried and they moved in with her mother's new husband. Her stepfather had a son from a previous marriage and he was sixteen at the time. Since he was the legal age to care for her, he was left with her alone a lot due to their parent's work schedule. She said that she never liked being alone with him because he would touch her. She said that he would ask her to sit in his lap and he would kiss her. He made her feel like this is what they were supposed to do. Once she turned thirteen, he took her virginity. She told me that it was the worst experience of her life. She knew that it was wrong but he told her that he was doing this as a favor. She didn't understand it then but the older she got the more she did. She thought that it was the first and last time that he would do something like that to her but she was wrong. This went on for two years. Every time that they were left alone, he would force her into something sexual. She felt like her mother knew what was going on because she put her on birth control. She told me that she couldn't really tell when it happened but she started to like it. She was confused when it started to feel good because it was always painful. She thought that he was the only one who could make her feel that way. What started as abuse slowly became an obsession. She told me that he would tell her that he loved her. He said that they would get married and be together. He controlled what she wore, where she went, and who she talked to. She felt dirty about it because he was her stepbrother. But he reassured her that they were not related by blood so it was fine. She stopped fighting him and started to love him. She stopped fighting his touch and welcomed it. I was lucky enough to meet Tarma before this happened. I noticed that she had changed but I couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't until one day she finally told me the truth. She was sitting under the tree near the playground and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her stepbrother was going away to college. I thought that it upset her because they were close siblings but she enlightened me on the truth. She said that they were lovers and they loved each other. She told me how he took her virginity and I was horrified. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't normal and that he had taken advantage of her but I didn't. I thought that maybe she would find out herself. Her stepbrother went off to college and Tarma made up her mind that she was going to wait on him. A year passed and he finally returned. But it wasn't what she expected. When he came home for the holidays, he brought a girl with him and told the family that she was his girlfriend. Tarma was heartbroken and angry. It was then that she finally realized that he had taken advantage of her. He never loved her at all and that sent her into depression. That's when we started to dance. She said that dancing and singing took her pain away. I wanted to help her as much as I could but even dancing couldn't feel the void in her. She started sleeping around with men and I was scared for her. I hated seeing her do that to herself but she said that it was the only thing that made her feel good. It was the only thing that made her feel closer to him. Before her stepbrother left to go back to college, they had sex. She was heartbroken afterward because he told her that it would be the last time. He went back to college and she continued to live her life. I looked up and wiped away a tear that slid down my cheek. That is the story of Tarma. I watched as her mother walked to the front to say her speech. I couldn't help but hate her mother. She was too busy with her job to spend time with her daughter. She didn't help her child even when all the signs were there. I looked down at the obituary in my hand and sobbed. I didn't even pay attention to her when she needed me most. I overlooked all the signs of her crying out for me to help her and I couldn't live with myself.