Stockholm Syndrome

Emotions

Sweet taste on tongue. His taste. It's all so dark. What does light look like? Does it have colour, or shape? I know only of blackness. A noise, sounds like...crying. I follow the sound. I find the Rose sat in a corner, knees drawn to her chin and her face hidden in shadows. I kneel down in front of her and take out my knife. She looks up. Green eyes. Like...grass. Have not felt or seen grass for years now. Passage of time is unknown here. Was I a child when I was brought to this place of darkness? I long for SSundee's taste again. The Rose is sad, and fearful. I want to speak, but words don't come easily to me unless I'm angry. "W-Why are you crying?" She makes a sad noise, like the noise SSundee made when the knife hurt him. "I-It's the Master Derp. He hurt me again." I now notice a livid red mark on her face. My heartbeat speeds up and I want to take the knife and make someone scream. The anger inside... "Don't cry Rose. You'll be ok. I can hurt Master back for you?" She looks at me sadly. "No...there's no point." She frowns. "Why do you call me Rose?" I scowl. Old memories resurface. I grasp at them desperately, but they disappear. This makes me confused, fearful, and I become angry when I get scared. "I-I don't know. I can't REMEMBER!" "Derp it's ok, I was just asking-!" "Stupid memories." I growl. "They always leave me." Frustration overcomes me as my emotions change again, misery overwhelming me and making me want to scream in dejection. "Everything leaves me..." I shut my eyes, away from the darkness. Different darkness in my mind; a warm familiar darkness. I see a fuzzy image of a village. People.

Why do I only remember their eyes? Why? "Derp? I'm here for you." I open my eyes and meet Rose's gaze, or Rose m a r y . That's her real name, not r o s e. I don't spell names well in my brain, or mind. Is there any difference? She stands up and I do too. I tower above her, I was made to be tall so I could dominate those below me. That's what Master says anyway. I scowl. Why is he my master? Why must he control me? Why, why, why- TOO MANY QUESTIONS. I shut my eyes tighter as the room spins. Warm darkness is good, warm darkness is safe. I feel Rosemary's touch, her hand on my arm. "Derp, are you ok?" I bite my lip and open my eyes, my vision clear again as I see her grass eyes gazing up at me questioningly. "When was I ok? Was I ever ok Rose?" She looks at me with pity. "Yes Derp. Once, a long time ago." I stare at her. "You know old me?" She knows my past! She doesn't reply. That makes me angry. I seize her shoulders and she's up against the wall. She cries out in pain and it sounds good. My vision is going red again but I can't let them win. The voices in my head will take over and make me hurt Rose. "You know my past?! Why won't you tell me?!" She gasps, tears trickling down her face. SSundee's scream of agony flashes through my mind and my thoughts break. I stagger back away from her, covering my ears as the voices' whispers grow into shouts. "SHUT UP!" Why am I like this? NO ANSWER, ONLY QUESTIONS! Tears run down my face as confusion and terror violate my fragile mind. "STOP ASKING QUESTIONS WITH NO ANSWERS!" "I wasn't!" Rose didn't understand. No one did. I was alone. You're pathetic. N o t h i n g . I whimper, the warm darkness is growing cold, freezing my body in place. Too much noise. I NEED QUIET. No one listened. No one ever listens to me. Images start flashing through my mind and I scream, hoping they'll stop. They don't. Then, I see SSundee's blue eyes and everything calms. Blue eyes...like the sky. I had forgotten the sky. Cloudless skies with a warm sun shining. I was safe there...Safe in his sky eyes.
***
I watch as Derp screams meaningless gibberish, covering his ears and shaking his head violently from side to side. I want to tell him where he came from. Want him to know his past, but the realisation of his true self would make him snap completely. As it is, he's barely hanging onto sanity by a thread. This happens everytime his past is mentioned. It's his way of fighting the demons Randel put in his mind. Suddenly, he goes rigid and stops screaming, his breathing is laboured, but calm. For him anyway. I approach him cautiously. He's a head taller than me, so I stare up at him apprehensively. "D-Derp?" "Sky eyes." He whispers. I frown. "S-sky eyes? What?" His eyes slowly open, their normal icy blue again. He lowers his hands from his head and looks down at me in surprise. "The voices went when I thought of sky eyes." I blink. "Derp, who the hell is sky eyes?!" He swallows hard and stares off into the dark shadows swallowing up the corridor we were standing in. "SSundee has eyes like sky. He calms mind." I took a sharp intake of breath. "Derp, no. You can't-" He looked at me. "What? Can't what?" He ground his teeth. "Questions again." I looked away. This could be just a passing phase. I hoped it was, for Ian's sake. "Y-you can't get yourself into things you don't understand. You can't get feelings towards someone if you don't understand them." He looks confused and fearful. "F-feelings? A-are they like emotions...cus emotions hurt me." My heart aches for him. I hug him tightly and feel him stiffen in my arms. I draw away and he's looking down at me strangely, like he can't decide what emotion he's feeling. He frowns. "That felt...weird." He probably hasn't been hugged for years. I sighed. "Look, Derp. Just try and stay away from SSundee, ok? The Professor, or the Master, will do what he wants with him, then release him." It hurt, having to lie to his face, to his big crooked eyes, so trusting. The Master would probably kill Ian before he drove him crazy with pain. Derp sighed, then nodded slowly. "I will try. But sky eyes can still calm my mind?" I nod, smiling. He smiles too and he transforms into an entirely different person. The person he was before Subject 304. Before Derp SSundee. Then he turns and quickly disappears into the shadows from whence he came and will stay.