Stockholm Syndrome

Hope

(A/N: YES! I DID SOMETHING; FINALLY!)

I leave Derp asleep and slip out the door into the dark corridor. After padding in thick silence for a few minutes, I finally reach a light source. I trail my fingertips over the damp brick as it's illuminated by the dying embers of a lit brazier. There are deep knife gouges in it. I can hear whispers from the past. Echoing screams. Smothered sobs. I press my forehead to the wall. Try to imagine how Derp must've felt when he made those marks. I could sense the fury as he would've stabbed the blade deep to the hilt, twisting, pretending it was flesh. I can hear his screams of anguish and twisted madness, his wild laughs and strangled cries. I press my palm against it, my heart pounding faster, thumping in my head. I feel like my mind has been enslaved to my own desires. That the bloodlust and fury that used to terrify me now drove me crazy for want of more. To feel the adrenaline in my veins, the blade pushing through my skin, his hot breath on my shuddering body. I flinch as a screech of metal echoes faintly in the distance, sending shivers up my spine. Breathing. Fast. Shallow. Silence again. I keep walking, pupils dilating in the blackness. I felt the air grow colder around me and shiver, pulling my torn and frayed jacket closer to my wiry frame. I reach the door I remember. Metal and heavy. I take a deep breath before pushing it inwards. The door screeches on the damp concrete floor as I move it to the side, stepping into the kitchen. I scrabble around in a few drawers before finding some matches and striking them. Memories of grisly shadows warped onto the walls rush through me as the firelight washes over my surroundings.

I light a candle from a drawer I scrabble through and take it with me in search of a light switch. I find the light switch, but it looks like it's been wrenched out of the wall, the wires holding the fuse in torn and frayed at the ends. I sigh and turn back, placing the candle beside the hob before trying to figure out how to turn it on like Derp did. I manage to and open the above cupboard, mirroring my past self and taking out a can of soup. My stomach grumbles as I take a moment. I think about Derp. His gentle gaze and sad, strained tones. How did he become like that? With such a tortured and depraved soul? I sigh, shaking my head. Remember his touch. His soft kisses. I know I was in love with him. In love with Joseph. But unfortunately, that wasn't the only side of him. Burning red eyes. Demonic, crazed laughter that struck ice-cold fear into my heart. The sound of uncontrollable insanity. Bloodthirsty. Malicious. Twisted. Jagged incisors grinding deep into my flesh. The harsh scream of the metal knife scraping bone and metal. I shudder, feeling the scars on my neck twinge. I open my eyes. Sky Eyes. He trusts you. Does trust require pain? Does that pain have to wrench though your soul until you feel as though you can no longer breathe? Is that only when you know you can afford to trust someone? When you're close to death and can barely struggle onwards. My head aches as I cover my face with my hands. I'm scarred. Hurt. Trapped. Far from home. I don't know if I'll ever get back home. I remember hearing Derp scream Crainer's name. How did he know about Crainer? I feel a tear trickle down my face. Crainer's laugh. The videos we made. Does he still remember me? Where does he think I am? Does he blame himself for me going missing? I sniff. Where am I? I look up at the dark ceiling. Trapped underground somewhere, God knows where. Maybe he doesn't even know. For all I know I could've gone to hell. Will I ever escape; or am only clinging to these fantasies for fear of going insane if I gave up hope of freedom? I frown. Why am in love with Derp? He hurt me. Nearly killed me. Mocked me. I slowly lower my hands from my face. Helped me. Did his best to protect me. For some strange reason, I feel safe with him. Safe with the person who tried to hurt me? I roll my eyes up again. My brain is so messed up. Muddled thoughts and desire mixed with fear and hope. A lot of fear. It's always so dark here. I stiffen. I'm starting to sound like Derp. Maybe I am going insane. Maybe it's already too late...
***
I lay on my side, staring at the flickering candle at my bedside. Candles had always represented life to me in a way. They flicker through the hardships of time, and eventually, regretfully, one day die out. As we all do. I blinked slowly, letting the burning imprint of its light sear the inside of my eyelids. I felt cold, drawing the covers around me tighter. Papers on medicine and nursing were scattered around my bedroom. What was the use of studying if I was never allowed to be free, free to use those skills for things other than stitching Derp back together? Derp. Joseph. The boy I used to play with in the village. The one who's body I saw change day by day. The one I saw cringe and shake, screaming in pain as his bones stretched and grew. His eyes bleeding with tears and hurt. I covered my face with my hands, filled with hollow sadness. Trapped. Trapped. I thought of Ian. He was my light in this place, believe it or not. I didn't know why. He just had a sort of, aura around him that reassured me. I saw the difference in Derp when he was around him. He smiled more. Looked wary rather than angry. But I knew there was a hitch to that. Since the emotions were pent up inside him, they eventually snapped and he would attack. Ian being the prime reason for their withholding, would be the prime target. I knew Ian couldn't stay there forever, or he would eventually be killed, either by Subject 304 or Randel's experiments.

I had to get him out of there somehow. I swung my legs out of bed and tied my hair back into a scruffy ponytail. Standing up, I went to my bedroom door and opened it, a lone strand of my dull ginger hair swinging in front of my eyes. I shivered briefly at the cold gust of wind from my exposure to the dark corridor outside before venturing into it, pulling my jacket tightly around me. Gotta find Ian. After walking for a while through the darkness, I caught the distant, muffled sound of a clatter. A clatter of pots and pans. Maybe Max was making food in the kitchen. Either way, as I passed, I took the opportunity to look in through the slightly ajar door. I gasped. "Ian?!" He yelped and dropped the equipment he was holding, cursing as it hit the concrete ground with a bang. I ran to him and covered his mouth with my hand. A few baited moments of thick silence. Then I lifted my hand away. "What are you doing here?" "I was getting something to eat. You think Derp would remember to eat? I'd starve otherwise." I looked at his face, releasing how pale and haggard he looked. Hungry. Afraid. I furrowed my eyebrows in sympathy. "Oh, ok. Sorry for startling you." "I-it's ok. I just thought you were Derp." I stared at him as he went back to watching his soup cook. "Derp? But...you're not...afraid of, him...are you?" He sighed heavily. "As of late...he scares me, even more than before. He changes so fast. The more trust and love I put in him, the worse he snaps when he does. And with the whole mind control thing that happened...he did and said things that terrified me. He was screaming and hallucinating and..."

He squeezed his eyes tight shut, biting his lip, as if trying to banish the memories that plagued and haunted him. My lips parted slightly, but I couldn't think of any way to comfort him. I knew how he felt. "I've...I've seen him worse." He looked at me, incredulous. "Worse than the mind control?" I nodded. "Back in the early days, when his body was still changing, he would change spasmodically. Sometimes in less than a minute. He was basically an animal before you came. An out-of-control, provoked animal. And I'm worried that he may become that again." Ian blinked. "How?" He really does have eyes like the sky...

"If Randel gets fed up of you, he'll use Derp to do his dirty work. Meaning-" "He'll tear me apart." Ian interrupted me, voice hoarse, eyes scared. I pursed my lips. "Exactly. Which is why I'm going to get you out of here before that happens." He smiled weakly, for the first time since he'd been here; there wasn't anything to smile at in this hellhole. "R-really?" I nodded. "Derp too?" I gazed at him, then looked at the ground. "I was afraid you'd ask that." I glanced back up at Ian. There were tears in his eyes. "Ian...you know he wouldn't know what to do in the outside world. He'd be bewildered and terrified and-" He clenched his fists, tears still streaking his face. "I'm not leaving him here at the mercy of Randel. He's more than an animal!" Ian's voice cracks at the end and my eyes sting. "I-I know but-" "He needs me as much as I need him-" "Ian please, see my reasoning-!" "This isn't reasoning, it's cruel-!"

"Sky Eyes? R-Rose? Wh-why are you fighting?..." We both turned and looked at the door, seeing a pair of wide, scared icy blue eyes looking at us from the shadows outside. Joseph. The name flashed through my mind again. "I-I know you were shouting about me...I heard my second name. You also said about 'out-s-i-d-e world...' What are you talking about?... Why did you mention me?" Ian sighed and I saw the raw pain in his eyes at the truth I had told him. That only one could escape to freedom, and it wasn't Derp. "I-it's ok Derp, we weren't shouting, we were...having a heated discussion." It hit me how he spoke almost like a consoling father to a distressed child overhearing a parents' argument, his voice gentle and reassuring. And how Derp gazed back at him, tears in his eyes, bearing a striking resemblance to the terrified child he was inside... I took a deep breath. "Derp-" "What's the 'out-s-i-d-e world'?" "Joseph..." He stiffened and looked to me. "Go back to your room. It's ok-" "But Ian-" "Shh, it's fine. He's fine. It's ok." Derp held my gaze with heartbreaking despondency, then withdrew from the door and left.

Ian wouldn't look at me. I knew why, but I couldn't change the hard facts. Derp had been changed and created in such a way that he wouldn't be able to cope with the outside. I knew it would only hurt him; now to somehow persuade Ian...