Stockholm Syndrome

Wrists

I've done many terrible things in my lifetime. I've disassembled humans. I've neglected my child. I no longer feel human. I feel like the machine my experiment was meant to be. But my past has made me like this. I watched my own brother shoot my wife in front of my very eyes. I had the cold scalpel in my grip. Right between his eyes it went. I heard and felt it grind against the bone. I sit at my desk, writing my notes. Things I will one day burn. Perhaps I'm mad. Perhaps I'm insane. Or maybe I'm the sane one...and everyone else around me...are the ones gone mad. Who knows? Not I....
***
I bolt upright, dream screams echoing all around me. I'm alone. The candle in Derp's room has long ago extinguished. I run a hand through my grimy hair. I'm parched. My throat is dry and I don't trust myself to be able to speak. I stiffen, hearing a distant cry of anguish. It sounds like...a call for help? I get up cautiously, opening the door. I stand before the dark corridor, straining my eyes. I hear a wild scream. Of laughter. There's only one person I know who laughs like that... Their name dies on my lips as I sprint into the corridor, the icy stone floor chilling my bare feet. I skid to a halt, whipping my head around, trying to pick up the sounds again. It's silent. Suddenly, my back is slammed painfully hard up against the wall. I yelp as I hit my tail bone on the stone. Strong hands grip my shoulders, crazed giggles spiralling round from their owner.

The darkness changes around me, gets closer. I feel hot breath on my face. I grimace. It smells like old blood. Someone's teeth dig into my neck and I exhale in pain. "Hello Ian." Derp. His voice is different though. Deeper and less hoarser. He's speaking slower as well. As if his brain isn't processing the words very well. His nails dig into my skin and I flinch away. He starts panting. "D-Derp, wh-what did he do to y-?" His chest slams against mine, knocking the air out of me. "Stop. No more words." I gasp for breath. "W-words?..." I make out his mad crooked eyes in the darkness, the pupils tiny, swimming in their blood pool like iris'. "D-Derp, l-listen-" He slams against me again and I cry out, the wounds on my neck stinging as his tongue runs across them. He stays pressed up against me, growling in my ear, sending my heart into spasms of want. "No. More. Sorrow." I look at him. "N-no. More. P-pain. N-no. MORE." He whimpers. "W-wrists hurt..."

I shiver, pinned up against the wall. "Wh-what do you m-mean?" Suddenly he's wrenched away from me. A brazier is lit and I see Rose standing by it, her ginger hair matted and dusty, eyes wide and terrified. Max glares down at Derp. Derp glares back, his crooked eyes startling in the firelight. "What are you doing here?" Derp snarls. "Master told me to kill you. HAHAHA." Rose cries out as Derp goes for him, his teeth sinking once more into the already angry wounds on Max's neck. He screeches in agony, falling to the floor with Derp sprawled on top, knife suddenly in hand. Rose screams my name and I force myself to move. I cannon into Derp, sending us away from Max. Rose gets down beside him, lying over him protectively. "Keep him away! He trusts you!" I dodge a stab from his knife. "Haha, yeah! Cus if he trusted me he would really be trying to stab me wouldn't he?!" "IAN!" I hit the floor with Derp pinning me down. He laughs madly, grinning, Max's blood round his mouth. I struggle, grabbing his knife and holding it tightly in a fist. "We don't want to hurt you Derp!" He growls, ripping the knife off me and putting it between his teeth as he glares down at me.

I have wild flashbacks to being tied in chairs and suffocation. I yell in sudden panic, bolting free and slamming my back against the wall as he advances on me, pulling the knife out of his teeth, the point heading towards me. He twitches violently and I skid beneath him as he's distracted. Rose looks on in abject terror. I glimpse Derp from behind. Wrists hurt. The veins on his wrists stand out, raised from the skin, a livid red. My eyes widen. Suddenly he's whipped round and there's a knife quivering in the wall beside me. I wrench it out and face Derp, jaw set in determination. "Why does Randel want Max dead?!" He doesn't answer, his eyes burning fiercer. I drop the knife and place my hands on Derp's shoulders, staring hard into his eyes. I purse my lips. "Derp. Listen to me-" He growls. Suddenly he seems uneasy at my proximity. He's scared. I soften my gaze, whispering. "Joseph." His eyes flicker as he gazes at me. "I know this isn't you. Whatever Randel did to you, you gotta fight it...for me, for yourself, and everyone else's safety." He sniffles, tears suddenly running down his face. I always forget how bipolar he is.

"I'm d-dangerous?" I embrace him, holding him close to me as he starts crying into my chest. "No. You're just...misunderstood." A wild sob escapes him as he grips my hair, his warm tears growing cold on my skin. Rosemary is crying quietly, looking down at Max. I stiffen. "Is he...dea-?" "No. He's alive; barely." Derp sobs again, his cries of desperation and shame tearing painful rips in my heart the more he suffers. "Can you help him?" Rose nodded shakily. I frown. "How do you know so much about medicine?" She smiles faintly. "My father used to be a doctor. He taught me all he knew." She refers to him in the past tense... Derp is slowly growing quieter, his grip on me gently slacking. I hold him tighter, letting him know I was still here. I look round and realise Rose and Max are gone. I look up as Derp straightens up fully, his eyes on the same level as my eyebrows. Now it's him holding me close, his all too familiar murmured apologies but white static in my ears.

"I know you're sorry. And I know you'll hurt again. You said no more sorrow Derp, so stop." He withdraws, looking hurt. I know I'm being harsh but he needs disciplining. I stiffen. I sound like Randel...

"Oh don't mind him. He's all bark and no bite." I eyed Subject nervously and trembled slightly as his mad gaze met mine. "I-I'm not so sure about that."

Derp is eyeing me suspiciously. "What are your thoughts Sky Eyes?" I look at him. "About you." He blinks. "Why would you think about me?" I smile a little. "It sounds crazy, but it's because I love you Derp." Derp doesn't reply; I fight my hurt. I turn away, trying to remember the way I came here. Then a pair of strong arms are round my waist and Derp's warm lips gently caress his bites on my neck. "I, love you too, my Sky Eyes." I feel my face heat up as I turn in his arms, resting my forehead against his. His eyes are soft, filled with emotions I can't decipher, but none are hostile. Just, sad... He kisses my nose softly. I close my eyes. These moments bring bliss. When my life seems almost normal. I can pretend we're not here. That I'm safe at home with my lover. Then I open my eyes again. I see the dank corridors. I smell the fear and hear whispers of warning and pain all around me. I don't open my eyes this time though. I don't have to when the next thing I feel are Derp's lips on mine and his hands on my waist.