Love Potion

Headmaster Hwelpum Vaguely Answers my Questions

Morning finally rolled in like a slow, tortuous bitch.

I had been scouring Fae's schoolbooks with fagged eyes for the past hour, picking at her cemented bowl of candy-wax as the clock hand crawled ticklingly by. Her textbooks were beyond cool, and as much as I found reading about how to perform a leg-knotted hex interesting, my heart was panickily hammering in apprehension for whatever conversation I would have with Hwelpum.

It was exactly twenty-two seconds past ten past seven when Fae dropped her pencil into the penis pen pot and said sprightly, "I think we can go to Hwelpum now."

The speed at which I slammed shut the textbook and stood even frightened me.

"Crack, Cosmo," she murmured.

I made a stiff face before adverting my eyes as she suddenly began unbuttoning her trenchcoat: she laughed at me. When I turned around again she was standing in the Snellicary Greamelts uniform, though altered to her own style; in Greamelts, being uniquely yourself was greatly encouraged.

She had the cloak and shirt and the purple-striped-white Snellicary tie was slung loosely around her neck. Her shirt was unbuttoned at the top to show a triangle of pale flesh and a small silver necklace, and she made no attempt to hide her brilliant scaly legs, which were flaunted and flashing under a short pencilly skirt. She grinned, and she knew she looked amazing. "Let's go."

There weren't many people as we walked down the castle corridors: well, Fae walked with her same brassy strides, and I scurried earnestly beside her, anxious to go faster. My stomach was stirring and I was so nervous that I barely gazed in wonder at the flowery courtyard that twinkled in the mornlight through the windows.

I was glad there weren't many people. I felt like a duck in a swan lake, in the loose britches, bodice, and bare-footed. And especially next to Fae, like a very ugly ducking by the most beautiful swan in the lake.

Headmaster Hwelpum's office was just below the top of the west tower. It was a fair walk there. The door to it was triangular and eye-prickingly yellow, as described in the books, because Hwelpum thought that the colour repelled evil spirits. It certainly repelled my poor eyes. He also believed that three was the 'magic-est number', as triangles are the strongest shapes, and also why there were three houses rather than four.

My heart was jostling and I wasn't quite ready before Fae stepped forward and rapped a jaunty rhythm against the door.

"Who is it?" came a muffled woman's voice.

"'Tis a girl in need of help!" answered Fae. She smiled at me jocundly. "May I come in?"

"A girl in need of help?" the voice replied. "Yes, I suppose you should... Come in."

The round door opened by itself: the door to Hwelpum's office could only be opened if someone from the inside told you to come in. Hwelpum liked to be outside as much as possible, and when he wasn't in, he usually left his voice behind...

The door opened to a large, circular office. It had a great round window on the far side looking out onto the grounds and staircase leading to a large chair before it, like Lord Palpatine had in The Return of the Jedi, except more- pink. The walls were mostly made up of glass, which you could see though to the shelves of marvellous magical trinkets inside. These trinkets were all magical objects that were confiscated from students, and only Master Spigte's hand could go through this glass to retrieve them. There was a wooden ladder leant against it that could wheel round to different shelves.

Other than the cabinet walls, some bookshelves and furniture, Hwelpum's office had little in it. This was because he was immobile.

He was once a very powerful wizard - perhaps the most powerful. But in the epic battle between him and the dark wizard Prospella, he was struck paralyzed. Prospella was once his own wife, and they even had a child: Ermis. But something was slowly twisting within her, and she hungered for greater powers than the good. Hwelpum loved Prospella with all his sorry heart, and he tried to turn her back, but Prospella could not be helped. I don't think he ever truly grasped that she wasn't the woman he once loved. His last, desperate plunge to save her was what lead to the terrible battle. Prospella got badly injured, but she was a cunning and deceitful woman, and when she saw that Hwelpum was the more powerful, she feigned helplessness and begged for Hwelpum to help her, to save her from the clutches of shadows. And Hwelpum, being the fool in love he was, broke down in joy and rushed to save his wife, and it was then that Prospella rose and cackled and struck him from her bloody fingers.