Love Potion

Breakfast

I woke up with my cheek imprinted with the shape of my palm, and a low ache in my stomach. My body felt humid-hot. I had to peel my cloak off of me, and stood with ringing ears and a fuzzing head, trying to rack it to remember what dream I had roused from... for some reason I felt awful about things...

I spun around to Fae. But the divan bed was empty. Then suddenly my head was buzzing so much I saw stars like TV static, and I had to sit down.

I pressed my knuckles hard into my eyes, until the comforting little colourful splodges and fizzling patterns burst before my eyelids. I always did it when I felt lost. I would escape to that jazzy, thoughtless goop, the world that lived in the sliver between eyeball and eyelid... worry did not exist there. Nothing did, but colour and soup.

Gal. It was only my second day of school.

Within the time of my waking I felt better though, and when I came to breakfast (I couldn't find Fae anywhere), I felt blissfully fabulous. I wore the pretty star earrings and silvery rings and vanilla perfume from Fae, and I felt like a right charming lady. She had even clipped a little spider brooch onto the strap of my mary janes, a dagger pin on my vest jumper, and did me a little makeup. I understood why Mathilda always put so much time into her do-ups: I felt fine! Not even Viper's brutish laugh at me squashed me. Well... maybe it did. A little.

I reeled round to him. He was surrounded by surly-looking, purple-dorned Snellicaries, Tatiana and Kenzie either side of him and Tamsin opposite. None of them had any actual breakfast, but I got the idea that if Viper went to some, then the rest could, too. 

"Hey," I bayed at him. "You should have just let it go."

He immediately stopped laughing, and glanced up boredly, as if wondering if I was talking to him. His face was instantly dull. Plain, grouchy, and untwitching, like his stupid face always is, stupidly. Looking like he'd rather be in a coffin than a magical fairy tale castle. "What are you on about?" he said insipidly.

I was getting hot again. "I'm sorry about your nose. It was funny, but it was an accident. You should have just let it go. But no, you pulled that horrid prank on me, didn't you? Though you'd get me in trouble? Wanted revenge? Revenge on a little 'magless girl'? You're so stuck up! Am I really worth the effort?"

Everyone around him sniggered piggishly - the only one who didn't was Kenzie, who looked dearly awkward and wouldn't meet my eyes. I was willing to bet a few of them were among the giggles from last night. I wonder if Kenzie was.

Viper didn't laugh, but glared at me with his expired eyes. It was like his smirk didn't quite reach them; they didn't reflect his emotion, only his face did. "I don't know what you're talking about," was all he said. The smug twitch of his lip told me otherwise. I suppose I wasn't worth the effort. Wasn't worth an explanation, or even a gloat.

I hated him, I hated him so much!

Foolish tears prinked my eyes. Suddenly, I hated myself. You're such a crybaby! What are you even sad about? Why do you give a fuck! You have no fucks today, sir! Not a single fuck, not a miserable fuck, not a shrivelled fuck! I told myself I wouldn't let him nettle me! "Well, it didn't work," I asserted. I jutted my chin high. I knew it was him, and I would make sure he knew I knew. "All it took was a simple softening spell. Find a newer trick next time." Then I gave him my best look of pure loathing, which for him, was not difficult. 

I quickly realised it wasn't worth anything to him. I should have just left instead, not give him the effort of hatred that he hadn't given me.

When I clattered my tray down with my group, my sense of fabulousness had altogether faded, and the laughter that came from where they were sitting did not help a bit. I sighed and poked at my scrambled cockatrice egg, feeling apart from the conversation, as usual.