Wish to be free

Chapter 1

I hear the noises of the stairs creaking. The creaks get louder and closer to my room. I start breathing heavily. I see a black figure approach me he grabs your hand and says , "You think I died? If I go down I will bring you down with me" as he whispers that in my ear I let out a loud scream and wake up. It was a dream. I get this dream every time. I heard whispers from the corner of your room, "I will get you" I was all alone living in this house. No one is there to sit beside me. I am scared and cold. Wish I could bring him back. Wish I had never killed him. 

I start thinking of the day he pulled my hair and kept dragging me towards the house. He reaches the stairs and grabs my arm and tries to pull me upstairs. "Leave me pleaseee I won't do it again" I start sobbing and pleading. "Ohh no your gonna get punished" I reach halfway up but I manage to get up and push him. He falls down the narrow stairs and hit his back part of the neck to the sharp end of a table. He does not move. I went closer to him to see if he was breathing. No, he wasn't breathing. He-he is dead? I killed him? I fell on the ground with a loud thud. I grabbed my hair and started crying. 

I still remember that day and it haunts me every now and then. I wish I could die. Kill myself and be free. I rush to the kitchen like I always do and take the knife. I bring it closer to my neck. My hands begin trembling. I close my eyes. But I suddenly open them I don't want to do it but my body wont allow. I try to throw the knife away but I can feel its sharp end against my neck. I realize that it is one snap and I die. I don't want to die. I try to move the knife. Pleasee pleaseee I start pleading to my own body who is now not in my control. I bring the knife away from my neck and bring it to my leg and then snap. The knife makes a huge bruise on my leg. I am used to this because I have been harming yourself ever since that day. My whole body is covered with bruises. I suddenly hear whispers, "You are going to die" those word kept on repeating inside my head. I close my ears with my palm. "STOOPPPP" I start screaming loudly. "Leave mee stoppp" I shouted again. I saw a dark shadow. The shadow grew bigger coming closer to me. I start crawling back. My back hit the wall. I curl up into a ball and burry my head holding my knees sitting in the corner of the room. "Its not real its not real, its not real, its not real. stop, stop, stop, stop please stop, This is not real" you pat your chest which helps calm you down. I take in a deep breath and go to my parent's room. I get a tape from the drawer next to their bed. I insert it in the tape recorder and play it. It was the song my mom used to sing to me when I was small. She gave me the recording before she died of cancer. I listen to the song and sing along. This helps me sleep every time I get a bad dream. I sit on the bed next to my mom's chair and drift off to sleep.

It was in the middle of the night and it was pitch dark in my house. I am thirsty and want to drink water from downstairs but I am scared to do so. I slowly wrap the blanket around me and go downstairs. I suddenly saw a black figure next to the refrigerator. I grab my neck. My breath feels uneasy. I start panting. I am are having a panic attack. The medicines were kept in the drawer next to my bed. I try climbing back upstairs but I fell down. I feel as if my life is about to end. The whole world starts to spin. I crawl up the stairs one by one but I hear footsteps approaching me. The black figure comes closer to me. "Stop hallucinating. Stop it"