Wish to be free

Chapter 5

"I am Jisoo and you?" she asked giving me her hand. I hesitantly moved my hands towards hers and she grabbed my hands and shook them, "Why are you so nervous?" she said, "I am So Ah-In" I said shaking her hand giving her a handshake. I started sweating heavily and Jin noticed it. Jisoo gave me a hug. "Omo look at you so cute" she cupped my cheeks and hugged me. I started sweating even more. I tried to control my anxiety. I controlled my breath. I tried hard to not wheeze until she was gone. "From today you are my friend" she said as she smiled at me. "I nodded and gave a fake smile" "You are sweating so much" she said looking at my face. "Are you ok?" she asked in a worried expression. Jin noticed it and said, "Yah! get inside the house. I and Ah-In have to go somewhere. He took her hands off me and dragged her to the house. "She waved me a goodbye. I waved back and rushed into my house. I closed the door immediately and sat down on the floor patting hard on my chest. My breath was really uneven. There was just one sentence repeating over and over in my mind. Seokjinahh help me. I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be scared like this. I am scared to die. Help me. I took in a deep breath in and out. I continued doing it. I suddenly heard bangs on the door. "Yah!! Ah-inah  are you ok?!?! open the door" I was about to open the door. I took in a deep breath again and opened the door. He stood in front of the door and asked, "Are you ok!! I am sorry" I nodded my head and said, "I am ok. "Lets go to the hospital then" he said as he tossed the keys in his hand. I followed him to his car. He got in the drivers seat. I was about to sit in but I suddenly remembered an incident. "Ah-Inah get in I will take you somewhere" I hopped in the car happily. "What is this place?" "It is a club" I drank too much alcohol that day and......

As those memories shot up in my mind I stepped back from the car. "What happened?" he asked. "I-I ahmm" He got out of the car and walked towards me. He came closer to me and I went back. He stood in front of me and bent down to my height. He caressed my cheeks and said, "I won't hurt you. I promise, I will never do anything to you" He gave me his hand "Lets go?" he said. I raised my hand and tried to hold his hand. I placed my tiny hand on his giant ones. I did not feel anxious this time. He caressed my knuckles with his thumb and dragged me towards the car. He opened the door for me and said "Get inside" I got in the car and sat beside him. He drove off to the hospital. We reached the hospital. He got down and opened the door for me. We went to the doctor. "Would you like to share your past memories miss So ah-In" I started fiddling around with my fingers. I wasn't ready to tell anything that happened. I nodded my head from side to side and said, " I-I am sorry I d-don't think I can" "Its ok I understand. You don't have to open up right away. You can slowly yet steadily start opening your memories one by one. I nodded my head. "Are you currently taking any medicines?" he asked. "I am taking medicines whenever I get a panic attack. The medicines help calm me down. I also take sleeping pills at times too" He nodded his head. "So I just have to ask this one thing. Promise me that you will be honest" I nodded my head. "Since when did you have this Haphephobia (The fear of being touched) do you know what caused it?" "I had Haphephobia since---- ahmm I- I" "come on you promised" "There was a person who pretended to be nice and gained my trust. But then he- he I- I don't want to talk about this doctor" "You promised Ah-Inah" "I took in a deep breath. "He used to abuse me. Physically and mentally and was sexually assaulted"  He listened to me talk and gave me some advice which I found helpful. I went outside and saw Jin waiting for me. He put his arm around my shoulder. I frowned as he did that. He noticed me shrug my shoulder so he moved his hands away. I took his hand and placed it around my shoulder, "Don't move your hands away" He smiled. We both walked towards the parking lot. "Was the therapy helpful?" he asked me. "Yeah it was. He asked me about my past. I felt really light once I let out all the hurtful memories" "Are you not planning on telling me anything?" he asked showing me his puppy eyes with a cute pout on his face. I was scared, Scared that he would be disgusted in me. Disgusted that I was used. Used for enjoyment. I was a thrown garbage. I feared that he would go away from me if I told him anything. I nodded my head in disagreement and said, " I am sorry I don't think I will be able to tell anything to you" "Is it because you don't trust me?" "No its not that. If I never trusted you then why would I let you touch me?" He nodded his head and said, "Yeah, I get its ok. I love you" as soon as he said that my eyes widened "You what?!?!?!" He shot his eyes open in surprise too. "No- No I didn't say anything. It just slipped out of m-my mouth" he said as he nervously chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "But I heard you" "No you didn't" he said as he held the brakes. "We reached" he said getting down from the car. Come to my place tonight. Jisoo will be staying here tonight. You will love her company. I am the one who annoys her because it is nice to annoy your younger siblings. I nodded my head and said, "Unnie was really kind to me today morning. I hope I don't begin sweating when she touches me today" "Don't worry I will say her to not touch you" "No don't" "But why?" "Just don't" "Fiine" He rang the doorbell. The door opened revealing Jisoo aunnie. She opened the door and said, "Yah! you didn't bring snacks?" she asked munching on a bag of chips. Her eyes fell on me, "Ohh you are the cutie next door aren't you? Are you dating my brother?" I coughed as soon as she said that "stop asking questions and get inside" Jin said pushing her in. "Cutie come in" she screamed from inside. I stepped in and saw her sitting on the couch patting on the seat next to her signalling me to sit with her. I sat next to her. She came close to me and examined me. "Ahmm unnie?" I asked looking at her in confusion. "Come with me" she said and held my hands. We were halfway up but I slapped her hands away, "Aunnie I am sorry but please don't touch me. I don't like being touched" "Ohh? but I saw you holding my brother's hand a while ago" "I---" Jin cut off my sentence by interrupting our conversation. "Yah!! look she has haphephobia which is the fear of being touched by everyone to which I am an exception sometimes. Today we went to the hospital for a therapy" She nodded her head and said, "Myianae I did not know that. But wait?!?! My brother is an exception? why? do you like him? does he make you feel warm?" "Yah!!! go to sleep" Jin yelled. Yes Aunnie yes, I love him. He makes me feel warm. I freaking love him. I thought in my mind. "Anyways come with me" Jisoo aunnie said pointing upstairs. I nodded my head and walked along with her. She opened her closet. My eyes shot open. Woooww!!! she has so many dresses. My closet used to be filled with pretty dresses once too. "From today I am in charge of your style" She pulled out many dresses from her closet and kept it in front of me examining if they go well on me. "No not this one, Not this either, Nah this is to old" she finally chose a dress. "Yah this goes perfect on you" she said and handed me the dress. "Go and change the bathroom is that way" she said. I took the dress and began changing. After I finished wearing the dress. I looked at myself in the mirror. Hmm not bad. Jin was true I lost a lot of weight. I look like a freaking stick. But it looks really good on me. I opened the door and went to Jisoo. "Aunnie how is it?" I asked looking at her. Her eyes shot open. She looked at me from top to bottom and came near me she hugged me and said, "You look beautiful!!!! next time wear clothes like these if you are with my brother. You better impress him and make him yours" she said. "Now quickly go down and get his reaction" I was nervous. "How would he react? Will he not like it?" I walked downstairs. "Both of you come down" he called us looking at the plate. "Seokjinshhi" I said in a low voice. "Daee" he said and turned towards me. As soon as he saw me he gasped