Wish to be free

Chapter 18

I closed my eyes and moved my hands towards the delete button slowly. I don't know why but I found it very hard to do so. I switched the off the phone and threw it at the corner of the bed. Why the hell is he still in my heart? Seokjin  you said you hate me. Why did you save me?!?! you are just making it difficult for me to leave you. Why can't I hate you? why can't I forget you?" I suddenly heard a knock on the door. I wiped the tears off my face and opened the door. The door opened revealing.... I could not stand properly. I held onto the door knob so that I don't fall. 

I was about to cry. I could feel myself holding back the tears. Unnie? I asked in a shaky voice. She came closer and hugged me tightly we both started crying loud. Loud enough that our noises started echoing in the empty halls of the hotel. "Unnie bogo shipdaaa" I said as I cried louder, "I missed you too Ah-Inahh" she said as she began crying. After we finished crying I let her in and closed the door.  She sat on the bed placed my head on her lap. She patted my head and said, "How were you? I thought you forgot about me" "How could I unnie? How can I forget everything so easily?" "I saw your walk today. You were stunning out there. But..." "But what?" "But you didn't look happy doing it. I know you and you really love doing this. But your eyes don't lie. I could see your sadness" I bent my head low. "Come on Ah-In please. Please just move on. I am not happy to see you like this. I met Jungkook before meeting you. He told me everything" "Why do you all tell me to move on. I know its been 3 years but i just can't. I can't seem to forget anything. He is the one who made my miserable life better. He is the one who brought me back into the light. He was the one who made me feel safe from all those nightmares I had. Why do people think its so easy for me to forget everything" "Its for your own good Ah-In I came here to see you. See you be happy. Not miserable and pathetic like this" "Has Jin moved on? I am sure he has" She looked down for a moment and said, "He is happy. He has moved on. Why are you still like this?" "It must be easy for him to forget a person like me. But I really didn't deserve him"

"Dont you say that" "Unnie please tell me where he is?I swear I won't make a noise I won't talk to him. pleasee I just want to see him unnie" She was quiet. "Unnie please Just once. Thats all I am asking for" "I am sorry Ah-In" "I just want to die rather than living like this" "I am really sorry Ah-In" I was so desperate and pathetic. But no matter how desperate I sounded I wanted to see him. I am only asking for it once. She looked at my eyes. They were teary. "Your just making it more difficult for me to hide it" "Unnie please" "Its for your own good" "I dont think theres anything good that I get from him leaving me" She let out a huge sigh and said. "Fine but-but just once ok?" "Yes unnie once I promise" I said as I hugged her tightly. She said me the place and I am gonna meet him tomorrow. I kissed her on her cheeks and hugged her. 

Next day

She said that he daily goes to a particular place at 9pm. Why so late? is he meeting up with a girl everyday? I put on a bit makeup though I don't normally do it. 

This is what I wore. Am I intending on showing myself to him? I wonder why I am so dressed up. I drove off to the place where she said. It was beautiful park with a huge lake. Whoaaa it was beautiful

I sat on the bench and waited for him. I was so early. Thank god I dropped by the subway and bought a sandwich. I took it out of my handbag and had a huge bite. 

________Time skip_________

Its almost 9. I was really hungry. All I had was the sandwich. Seokjin seokjin come fasttttt. I slowly drifted off to sleep on the bench. 

I woke up as I felt someone pat on my shoulder, "Jin?" I asked as I held onto the hand. I turned around and saw an old woman. "Dear its very late I think you should go home" "What time is it ajhumma?" "Its almost 11" "11?" why hasn't he come yet?" "I guess I will just have to go" I suddenly saw a guy walk" I looked in the direction and saw Jin?!?! I became so happy as soon as I saw him. A huge smile grew on my face but it faded away as soon as I saw him with a girl. They both sat side to side on the bench. I covered my face with a scarf so that he doesn't notice me. "Oppa I don't think this ring fits me nicely. The diamond one is better" "I think this is enough or you can go ahead and choose" I couldn't help but just look at the two of them sitting happily beside each other. Diamond ring? is he getting marri--. I guess its easy to get over someone like me. I think I could be replaced easily by someone else. My heart was aching , I was so sad but I saw him smile. His smile made me forget my pain. I guess his happiness is more important than mine. He looks happy and thats all I need. I smiled when I saw him laugh at her. "A smile through pain" I came to see him and thats all I need. Now I can die in peace. I took off with the car and the roads were empty. I let out a light chuckle as soon as I pictured the image of him smiling with her.

I saw a divider in front of me. I let go of the steering wheel and closed my eyes. "Bye Seokjin hope you are happy forever and ever. I love you, My stupid heart loves you even though you hurt me"