Letters to Spencer Reid

20: gideon

Spencer runs to the door of the cabin forcing you to chase after him. Standing right behind him, you notice a body covered on the floor, with most of the team surrounding it, Derek and Penelope walk in behind the both of you as the room remains silent. You look over at Spencer barely holding it together.

"Is it him?" Penelope quietly asks, a tear instantly falling from her cheek, looking over at Hotch as he looks down for a brief second.

"It's Gideon." Hotch responds. Spencer instantly runs out the door sobbing as Derek moves out of his way. You chase after him viewing Spencer standing in the middle of the yard with his hands on top of his head. Walking up to him quietly, you gently turn him around to face you.

"Spence... I'm so sorry." You whisper keeping your composure, he looks at you for a moment as his bottom lip quivers before you pull him in for a hug. Spencer nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck sobbing, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist as you wrap yours around his neck.

"Shhh it's okay." You continue whispering as he tightens his hold on you, moving one of your hands through his hair, starting to cry yourself. Neither of you move for a while crying in each other's arms. You weren't very close with Gideon, but seeing Spencer in such pain didn't help. Releasing your grip, you cup his face gently rubbing your thumb across his cheeks, wiping his tears away as he gives a light smile.

"I don't think I could ever get through this without you. Thank you for being there." Spencer whispers holding back any other tears that could possibly fall, you remove your hands from his face and move them to his hands, squeezing gently.

"You don't need to thank me. I'm always right here." You respond as Hotch approaches the two of you, causing you to let go of his hands.

"I want you to take Spencer home for the night. There's nothing we can do right—"

"No. No I'm not going home. I-I need to stay here and fi- find this son of a bitch." Spencer replies cutting Hotch off, sniffling while he does.

"That's not a suggestion. It's an order." Hotch commands before walking back inside the cabin. You turn to Spencer flashing him a small smile attempting to ease the pain.

"I'm not going home. I have to find who did this." Spencer argues attempting to walk back into the cabin before you stand in front of him. He looks down at you sighing angrily. "Move out of the way." He comments under his breath attempting to push you to the side.

"No Spencer. Hotch told you to go home, so you're going home." You insist grabbing his hand and pulling him to the car. "It's like he already told you. Nothing more can be done tonight." You finish as the two of you reach the car. Unlocking the door, he stands there looking at you emotionless.

"Spence cmon get in the car please." You begged as he shook his head. "Spencer." You let out a deep sigh flashing him an annoyed look. A few seconds later he gives in hopping into the car. You start the engine before buckling, and begin to pull out of the driveway as the paramedics take the body out of the house. Spencer watches until the car starts driving away. It's silent for a minute, nothing but the ambience around you being heard.

"I should've saved him. Maybe if I would've known..." Spencer mumbles to himself.

"You couldn't have... you didn't even know he was in danger at all. Please don't beat yourself up about it." You respond quietly tapping your index finger on the wheel lightly. He turns his head towards you starting to sob again.

"That's the problem y/n. I-I hadn't talked to him in years. I wouldn't have- have known if he even got a cold let alone got mur- got murdered." He cried out facing back to the front, quickly wiping his tears. You reach your right hand grabbing his left gently. He resists at first before giving in, allowing you to intertwine your fingers with his. The rest of the way is completely silent, your hand remained attached in his, with the two of you mourning in your thoughts.