Letters to Spencer Reid

34: she promised

TW: mentions of drug addiction

Fifteen minutes pass, Rossi entering the room seeing Spencer hugging the letter, his eyes bloodshot red and cheeks flushed from all the crying. He steps inside closing the door gently behind him, Spencer looking up at him as his bottom lip quivers.

"What'd it say?" Rossi asks quietly approaching Spencer as he stands up staring at the ground.

"It explained how she fell in love with me, how she couldn't admit it to herself because of her past, and—" he stops taking a deep breath glancing at the tear-covered letter. "She never wanted to ruin our friendship so she tried to convince herself that she didn't love me. I should've told her how I felt sooner. Maybe then we could've had more time."

"Kid listen to me," Rossi begins taking a seat next to Spencer. "Out of all the women I've dated and married, I've always regretted one thing: not having enough time. That eats you up inside if you let it, but the important thing is remembering the times you did have. Y/n was family. I'm not sure how we move forward, but what I do know is she loved you. Anyone could see it from a mile away. Who knows, maybe you'll meet in another lifetime."

"I just," Spencer sighs lifting his wrist one more time to smell the lingering perfume. "I didn't realize it, but I fell in love with her the day we went to that stupid carnival... part of me believes she did too and that we were soulmates, but I don't usually believe in those kind of things." He turns his attention to Rossi faking a smile.

"It's gonna be hard but you can get through this." Rossi comments nodding at Spencer, standing up with him. "We're here if you need us. You're not alone in grieving. Remember, the funeral is tomorrow."

"I know," Spencer nods slowly folding the letter, placing it back into the envelope. "I'll be there no matter what." He replies before exiting his office, heading back to his desk. Sitting down, a journal is placed on his desk, looking very similar to the one you had.

"I found that sitting on the round table," Penelope admits leaning against Derek's desk stopping their conversation. "I thought you might want to read it... I kind of already did." She grins resuming her conversation with Derek.

Spencer opens the journal slowly, shuffling through page after page, each addressed specifically to him. There were letters just like the one you have to Rossi, except they were all written after a case, or a fight you had with him. He laughs quietly tears filling his eyes as he glances at his name on the first page.

Spence

Today was amazing. I didn't think I could have so much fun at a carnival, let alone convince you to go. I hope I never lose these pictures—

He flips through each page reading them at a slower pace than normal, running his finger down each page.

Today's been extremely difficult. I'm currently sitting next to you in the hospital; you look so peaceful sleeping. I didn't know if you were going to make it—

Today's Halloween and I'm gonna be honest: I'm not extremely disappointed that I won't be spending it with you. I—

Eventually he finishes all the letters resting his head on top of the now-closed journal, sobbing quietly. Emily stands from her desk walking to him, rubbing the top of his back softly. He lifts his head to look at her, his eyes already blood shot.

"Are you okay?" Emily asks quietly removing her hand resting it at her side.

"No," Spencer responds hugging the journal. "She promised she'd never leave— she wrote me letter after letter in here. Some of them are dated from almost seven years ago... how could I not have seen it?"