CELESTIAL FLOWERS ( s. gojo )

arc ii ━ chapter ii. query

a r c  ii.
❝ is this the price of your loyalty? is this the price of your love? ❞
━━ chapter ii. query

KAZUKO DREAMS. In her dreams, she's lying facedown on the floor, her lower half buried underneath the kotatsu, when she hears footsteps. It's Gojo's. She can immediately tell from that swagger and the self important way he walks.

"Look who's being improper," he comments. And she remembers. That this is not a dream, not some fabrication of her mind, but a memory. During the first day of their stay at the guest house. When she was resting to alleviate the exhaustion from the consecutive train rides.

She ignores the snide comment and proceeds to simply turn away from him. Like all the people similar to him, Gojo was an attention seeking bastard, so the best course of action when dealing with him was putting on the blankest face you could muster and pretending they don't exist. Lucky for Kazuko, she's a master of blank faces and pretending certain people don't exist.

Gojo yammers on about something that escapes Kazuko's hearing. He's placed himself on the kotatsu as well, his head slumped on the table and too close for Kazuko's liking. She moves away and in doing so, reaffirms his existence and fuels him to pester her more.

"Want an orange?" he asks and holds a slice of orange towards her. "Don't be shy. Open your mouth."

"I decline," Kazuko mutters and averts her gaze from him.

"So serious," Gojo says and pops the orange slice into his mouth, a small grin forming on his face. She hopes he chokes on that orange. "You should live your life a little, you know? It's on the risk of ending yet you stubbornly refuse to spend even a minute savoring it."

"I'm not going to die."

"But you sound as if you don't care even if you do," he points out.

Kazuko clenches her fist. There's some truth to what he's saying, but what did it matter? So what if she only lived to serve her lady? They've been together since they were children, taught by home tutors in academics and arts. Ever since she was fully capable of rational thinking, the instructions had been drilled into her brain. To serve Erisu. To protect Erisu. To be her sword and shield.

"What's wrong with that?" she asks, her tone rising.

Gojo whistles. "Nothing," he says. "I just think it's a sad life to live."

Kazuko narrows her eyes at him. "You say nothing and proceed to say something that contradicts your point. What a troublesome person you are." Before he can say anything else, she shifts into the defensive. "Besides, it is the fact I've gathered after a reasonable estimation of my feelings. I have nothing to lose except for Eri and I'll do anything in my power to make sure that she's safe."

A hum. Kazuko doesn't know if it's in agreement or the opposite. "You can still lose things. Things dear to you." Something changes in his tone on the second sentence, something not quite the boisterous and overconfident Gojo Satoru she's come to know.

"Have you lost things dear to you then, Gojo-san?" she asks. Maybe it's out of malice (a taunt, a subtle jab) or the genuine human concern she possesses. Kazuko is kind, but not to Gojo. Maybe spending years with Erisu and wearing her face has started to rub some of Erisu's traits onto her. Definitely the former, she thinks. If she's developing human concern, it will definitely not be directed to Gojo of all people.

"We're talking about you here, you know." He evades the question with ease.

"Aside from Erisu, I have nothing left to lose," she repeats. Her heart hammers inside her ribcage. It's as if she's convincing herself. I've offered it all away. Blood, bone, every bit of my body. My heart, my soul, my dreams. There's nothing left for me here.

A cryptic grin surfaces. "You never know," he says and pops the final orange slice into his mouth. "People often only realize that they lost something important once it's gone."

A smile that does not quite reach her eyes. "How philosophical of you, Gojo-san," she says. "I'll be keeping that in mind."

Now Kazuko will know. She will know everytime she stays in a dark room with no windows, when she hears doors slide open and the hush of fabric as it slides across tatami flooring, when she flinches every time another person comes in contact with her skin, when she sees her reflection in the mirror and it reveals the long red lines mapping her skin, she will know what she lost.

Everytime she wakes up in a cold sweat, heart jackhammering against her chest, she will crave for the peace she's lost. The peace that she will forever chase in her dreams only for her to land on pitfalls of nightmares, of vivid images and feelings of pain as knives tear into her body, tear into her soul.

She has no more strength to cry, so she stares into the empty space, into the darkness and think of places far from here. The places she'd love to visit one day. Because if this confinement gave her anything semblance of good, it is the freedom to dream of the destinations she'd want to travel to.

Kazuko loves Erisu; she treasures every moment they've had together. The girl is practically her sister, a twin that's been born months before her. Someone who she's been with ever since she stepped into the Nakano estate. But, the selfish thoughts linger, brings way into imagination, the way she's always wondered how it would feel like to spend moments of your life, unbothered about the repercussions it would have on Erisu. If she stayed up all night in some cafe by the city, read books in the library without worrying about what is happening to her lady.

Kazuko wonders what it would feel like to get rid of the chains.

The doors slide open. Kazuko is too tired, too weak to brace for the upcoming pain. She simply stares at her fingertips, tracing the angry red lines they've made across it. She wonders how long it would take today, how painful. How much blood they would take. Or have they finally realized that drinking her blood, or anyone's blood for that matter will never bring them anything with glory?

It's foolish thinking. Those idiots have trapped themselves in their miserable delusions of grandeur. They will stay that way until eternity, deluding themselves. She can see the faint bones peeking from her skin. She's being fed, but she has no appetite to consume anything. They shove some into her mouth, enough for her to live and they leave. Sometimes, she gives into the temptation and consumes all of the food, only for her body to vomit everything because of the foul stench that seeps into her nose.

Kazuko wonders and wonders. Anticipates. And then she hears clearly.

The approaching footsteps are different. They're not muted and synchronous like the veiled ones had, instead, they're rushed and she manages to turn towards the door just in time to meet a familiar face. Blue eyes glittering in the dark, the same black clothes, but without the insufferable grin.

"Hey twerp." It's meant to sound condescending and cocky yet in this darkness, she can sense the worry escape through his words (or maybe the torture has clouded her judgment). Somehow she doesn't even protest against the use of the word twerp. "You're not dead, are you?"

━━ to be continued.
n o t e s.
i. a kotatsu is a japanese heated table. it's a low table covered with a futon or a heavy blanket. on top of the futon is a tabletop. there's also a heat source underneath the table so it's a great source of warmth especially in winter.
ii. i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. it's short and kind of filler-ish, but it's a vv important chapter as this is where kazu starts questioning the things around her, as emphasized by the chapter title 'query'
iii. also there's moments between gojo and kazu if you squint hard enough hahahaha.
iv. things in the jjk manga, especially in the shibuya arc, have been... umm... unpleasant, to say the least, so i'm glad that it's over.
v. i'm more scared of what's to come though. in a recent interview akutami-sensei (the mangaka for jujutsu kaisen) said that they don't mind which characters die as long as they can make the story behind it interesting and like, same, but i'm scared for my faves hahahaha.
vi. sorry for talking too much ♡ let me know what you guys think about this chapter ♡