Abducting His Heart (Chua Boys Series #3)

Chapter 26

TW: This chapter talks about suicide and self-harm.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE SONG THAT WAS USED IN THIS CHAPTER. CREDITS RIGHTFULLY TO THE OWNER. NO INTENDED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.

Song: I Just Fall In Love Again by Anne Murray

Chapter 26

Marry Him

"Bonevee!" Rinig kong sigaw niya.

"What?" Tanong ko sa kaniya habang abala pa rin ako sa pagpipinta.

"Babalik na tayo sa Pilipinas, ayos ka lang?"

"Oo naman. Lumabas ka na, gusto kong mapag-isa,” pagtutulak ko sa kaniya palabas.

“I'm afraid you would do something to harm yourself—”

“Eunice, I am totally fine,” pagputol ko sa kaniyang sinasabi.

“That's what you always said before and you always ended up on trying to kill yourself. I'm afraid that if I leave you here alone, you would try to do it again.”

Malalim akong napabuntong-hininga at inilapag ang brush at palette na hawak. Tumayo ako tsaka lumapit sa kaniya.

“I won't do it. Magaling na ako, Eunice. Hindi na ako ganiyan sa iniisip mo.”

“You better not to, Feda. I'm tired of saving your ass,” giit nito tsaka paiwas na naglakad patungo sa sofa rito sa loob ng kwarto ko.

I can't blame her if she doesn't trust me anymore. After that time when I tried to jump off the roof of the hospital, I thought it would end there. I thought I was getting better when I arrived here. I left home because I thought it would heal me. I was so wrong.

When I was alone, I would imagine killing myself. I tried drowning myself while taking a bath in the bathtub. I drank too much alcohol. I tried to drink bleach to poison myself. I cut my wrist and let my blood drip until I passed out. I tried to hang myself. I starved myself. I tried to stab myself. I tried to shoot myself.

Whenever I am alone, I try to take my life but Eunice was always there to stop me. Every time I felt like dying, she would always show up to save me, and everytime I was saved by her, I would do it again.

It became a cycle of my life for the past four years. I hurt myself, I recover, then I go back to hurting myself more. It became my coping mechanism. I got used to trying to kill myself to the point that it doesn't hurt me anymore.

It felt that I was incomplete if I didn't harm myself.

Those darkest moments of my life were never shared to my family. Ringleader, Eunice, and Dion are the ones who witnessed my hardships. They never disclosed it to anybody. It remained between us.

Flashback

I am currently outside the La Sagrada Familia, strolling ‘round the city all alone. Kadarating ko lamang kahapon at wala akong ibang nakita sa telepono ko kundi ang ilang texts at missed calls mula sa mga malalapit na tao. Hindi ko rin natiis ang pamilya ko at sinagot ko na ang tawag nila.

"Feda? Where are you? We're so worried about you, hija," bakas sa tono ni Tita Matilde ang pag-aalala sa akin.

“Nasa Barcelona po ako,” pagsisiwalat ko.

"What are you doing there?! Nag-aalala na kaming lahat sa ‘yo! Hindi na rin kumakain nang maayos ang Mommy mo—" naputol ang sinasabi ni Tita Matilde nang may tumakbo papalapit sa kaniya.

"Is that her?" Boses ni Mommy.

“I have to hang up,” paalam ko ngunit inagaw ng aking ina ang telepono mula sa kamay ni tita.