Open Door Critiques [CLOSED]

📜 Old Critiques | 02/12/2021

[NEARLY FULLY OPEN] by Multijoys:
• Be sure to first read 🚪 First Impressions and 🚪 First Fifty Pages!
• Clean read and strong gasp of grammar.
• Suffers from telling instead of showing.
• All bark, no bite.

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FIRST SENTENCE

Does your 1st sentence hook and intrigue by using any of the following:
• states something odd or out of place
• implies something bad is going to happen
• getting your readers to ask a question (why, how, is that true?)
• simply writing something beautiful

And this is what you have:

The view from the rocky outcrop of Wolf's Pointe was almost enough to calm my troubled mind.

It doesn't necessarily intrigue me overmuch, but the sentence is clean and grounded in a setting, and it offers an open window to potential questions, such as why his mind is troubled, and why this Pointe almost calms him.

Remember though, that these potential questions should be intrinsically tied to intrigue. The way to hooking readers is getting them to want to know what happens next. So be challenged to test run some other first sentences, ones that you believe would entice and intrigue all the more.