Open Door Critiques [CLOSED]

🚪 Taking Harsh Criticisms

The other day, I received a very good question on the 🚪 You, or Your Story? chapter. Paraphrased, they asked:

"How can I manage to find joy in my story, yet still take harsh criticism?"

I believe the answer to that consists of three main things.

Laying down our pride.

Realigning our Worth.

Allowing Curiosity to guide.

-

Let's tackle pride first:

I grew up playing the piano, from something like the age of six. Took lessons that were hours to get to and several hours long, played at recitals and masterclasses, joined competitions and won enough of them to get to provincials. 

When my teacher told me a part of my playing wasn't working, or outright didn't sound good, or called me out on how I hadn't practiced, my reaction wasn't to puff up and say, "How dare you speak to me as if I was a ~lowly plebeian~?!"

Because the fact of the matter is, my teachers are far more experienced than I am. I've only made it to provincials. There are more times than I can count where I've made a mess of the notes in front of a live audience or blanked out on my memory. I sit there, staring at the ivories, cold sweat breaking out, as people stare at me in silence.

I know firsthand I'm a fallible human being. I can play beautiful music, but I can also create ugly music. I can make mistakes.

It's the same with writing.

Writing, people would argue, is far more intimate than playing music someone else has written. And sometimes, the people who offer up harsh criticisms aren't even 'qualified' to do so. I agree with both these points.

But it still doesn't change anything.

We are fallible human beings. We can write beautiful words, but can also write ugly words. Words that are full holes and weaknesses.

Accepting that, that there will forever be room in us to grow, is the first and most vital step to being able to take harsh criticisms.

This leads us to the next topic of worth:

Where do you find your worth? Where is the value of you anchored? What is the altar of your life that you draw validation and strength from?

For many writers, their writing becomes their unconscious answer. 

"The way I write defines if I am worth love and praise. My value is equal to how my writing is received. I've placed my work on the altar of my life, and the positive attentions it receives is how I receive the praise I need."

This is how I unknowingly thought and felt for much of my life.

But anyone can see that this is unhealthy and unsustainable.

I believe that, at the core of every human being, beyond praise and adoration and even acknowledgement, is a most singular desire: to be known and loved.

So sort that out first.

Figure out who, where, and what in your life can supply that to you in a healthy and sustainable way. Do you have family who know you (all of you) and love you? Trusted friends? Do you have habits that allow you to mutually know and love one another? Or commitments and activities where you can practice vulnerability and love? 

The moment your writing is no longer the font of your worth nor the source of your validation, is the moment you no longer have to fight to protect it. 

Can it still hurt when you receive criticism? Of course.

But no longer will it render you unable to move forward, because you as a person will be built on stronger things.

Finally, the topic of curiosity:

Both the previous points tackle how to take criticism. This point will tackle how to find joy and hold onto it. 

All it is, is this:

What would happen next?

If I kept writing, if I filled this hole, if I reworked the plot and the scene and the characters, what would happen next? What kinds of stories would unfold? What sorts of interactions would play out?

I want to see.

That's all it is. At least, that's all it is for me.

Joy comes as you work, as you dive deep into your world and plotlines and characters. Joy comes from having accomplished a scene. Joy comes from having your curiosities answered, and from unearthing more curiosities. These things aren't dependent on anyone else but yourself, and so it's the one thing you can control. It's the one thing that will last, regardless of the storms that come.