Open Door Critiques [CLOSED]

📜 Old Critiques | 10/16/2020

[HALF OPEN DOOR] for eliza-lou:
• Your intentions are clear, but the execution can be sharpened.
• Don't run away from your world-building!
• Greater awareness of your readers is needed.

As thanks for being the first person to sign onto this service, you're getting the full sleeves-rolled up treatment! Buckle in!

***

SHOW, DON'T TELL

I know you've heard this before. Everyone who writes has heard this before. So bear with me while I dig into it here, even if you know what this is.

The reading of words is, strangely enough, a highly visual medium. Whatever we read, we 'see' in our minds. If you read a description of a purple hippo wearing a blue wig, you see it poofing into existence in your imagination. This is why we preach SHOW, DON'T TELL, because the mind understands the written word by 'seeing' it, not 'hearing' it.

Another reason is, quite simply, because this way is far more engaging. Writing rules and guidelines aside, stories are about two things at its core, one of which is: keep my attention.

Which is more engaging to you?

___

Kirk is my best friend, and we care about each other very much. He never fails to comfort me when I'm depressed, like when my mother passed away.

vs.

Kirk climbed in through my window once, even though it was the dead of winter, and the dead of night, even though my bedroom window is on the third floor. He tumbled inside like some oversized raccoon and tracked slush over everything: the carpet, my clothes, my bed.

When he reached underneath the blanket where I was huddled and hiding, his hands were cold, stiff. The tips were red and scuffed. But his touch warmed me better than the blankets did. His smile was softer than sanctuary.

"Who told you," he said, "that you could cry alone?"

___

I sincerely hope you think the second example is more engaging! If not, let's put this another way. Which Kirk seems more real to you? More alive? Again, I hope you say the second example! THIS is what writing is all about! Your story lives and breathes. Your characters live and breathe! And while showing instead of telling takes much longer, Lord, is it so much more fun to write.