Back for More // louis t.

Thirty Eight - I Wish

~Louis' POV~
I was a nervous wreck leading up to Brianna coming to discuss custody over Freddie. I was terrified she would take him and leave the country and I wouldn't keep my parental rights. I decided to take a shot of vodka to calm my nerves right after Cassidy left with Freddie to take him out for the day.
As 12pm got closer my nerves heightened. I wasn't feeling the effects of the alcohol, so I took another shot.
By the time Brianna arrived in her taxi, I was plastered. I had lost track of time as I continued to drink. She was over two hours late and that only made it worse.
"Hi Louis." She giggled, noticing my lack of balance and inability to focus right away.
"Who do you think you are? Showing up here this late?" I slurred, pointing accusatorially at her. "Freddie will be back any minute!"
I don't remember what happened next, but I do remember Cassidy's heart-wrenching sob. In a moment of sobriety, I tore away from Brianna's grasp.
"H-how could you?" She choked out. My beautiful Cassie, her face contorted into a sob.
"Baby, wait! I'm sorry! Let me explain!" But she had already run out of the house. I couldn't get my balance fast enough to catch up with her and she drove off before I got another word out.
I collapsed to the ground on my knees. She didn't trust me enough to let me explain. After that, all I remember is calling Lottie to take Freddie for the night and kicking Brianna out of my house.

The next thing I remember is waking up in an empty bed with a massive headache. I looked at my phone to see I had left Cassie about a hundred voicemails, and texted her even more. Not a single reply.
I called Harry to ask if he would come over and then asked Lottie to bring Freddie back tonight. I needed my little boy and I needed my best friend.
"Louis, what the FUCK did you do?" Harry shouted from his end of the phone.
"Haz-" I choked out a sob. "I fucked up."
"Yeah, no shit." He spat back at me. "I'm on my way to your house, you better have a good excuse. Cassidy is the best thing that has ever happened to you and you fucked it up."
"I know." I hung up and sat down on the couch to cry. My dogs Bruce and Clifford jumped up on the couch with me and laid their heads on my lap. They knew I needed comfort.
Harry showed up a few minutes later in a rage. "Louis William Tomlinson. You better have a good fucking excuse for-"
"Haz! I was drunk!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, my voice cracking from how loud I yelled.
"That's not good enough Louis!"
"Well it's all I've got! I don't even remember what happened! Brianna showed up late and I had taken a couple shots of liquid courage and then BAM! Cassidy was crying and I was sucking face with Brianna." I pulled my legs up on the couch and cried more.
Harry sighed, coming to sit next to me on the couch and rubbing my back. "Lou you fucked up, but that doesn't mean it can't be fixed. Have you tried-"
I cut him off. "Of course I've tried calling her. And texting her. She hasn't even looked at them."
"I'm sorry Lou. Maybe Niall can help through Katie?"
"Katie is her best friend, her person, she'll never listen to me."
"But she might listen to Niall? I think you just need to give her space and let things simmer down a bit."

Cassidy still didn't talk to me leading up to the first show of the North American leg of the tour. She wouldn't look at me and I had noticed that she no-longer wore her ring when we started rehearsals. Our teams announced the "separation" and I cried that entire day. I missed Cassidy with every bone in my body. I missed waking up next to her. I missed the feeling of her lips pressed against mine. I missed her hand intertwined with my own.
I didn't have the same power behind my performances and my singing that I did before. When she went on the stage, I knew she was performing her new song but I hadn't had the will to listen to it yet. When it played trough the stadium, I broke down in front of my team and my band.
I wanted my Cassie back and I would do anything to hold her again. Harry cheered me up before going on stage with his terrible puns and knock-knock jokes, but when I got back to the bus after the show I began to write.
I wrote like my life depended on it, because it did.

A week later, it was produced and released. The boys and I were ready to perform it.
"I hope you all like this next song, we've never put out a single so fast. Louis wrote it just last week!" Niall introduced the song.
"Hello, hello, hello,
Can I hear an echo?
Purple, red and yellow,
I can't wait to get home,
Head down on the pillow,
Holding you is all I think about," Harry's voice carried through the stadium.
"You're asleep in London
I wish you were coming
Back home to me, darling
You're too far away
Count back from one hundred
Holding you is all I think about" I sang next, holding back my tears.
"Oh baby,
When I'm apart from you,
I just shut my eyes,
All I have to do..." Niall carried us into the chorus.
"Is dream, dream, dream, dream
About you,
Dream, dream, dream, dream,
About you," All four of our voices harmonized through the chorus. I prayed silently that Cassie was listening. The signs we all saw from the stage had been eerily similar for the past week on tour. So many of them referred to Cassidy and I. The fans had speculated that I cheated on her and Brianna didn't help the situation when she blabbed to the tabloids about our "visit". I couldn't do anything about her while I was on tour and she had Freddie. I just had to do my best to quell the rumors so that they didn't ruin One Direction's career.

Another week later, after performing "Dream" each night, I mustered up the courage to confront Cassie. I psyched my up to knock on her bus door for about 10 minutes before I actually did.
"Harry, please, I don't want to talk-" Cassidy opened the door without looking and cut herself off when she realized it was me and not Harry.
"We need to talk."
"I have nothing to say to you." I tried to hide behind false confidence but I knew her too well for it to convince me.
"Then just listen." I pleaded and she finally gave in, inviting me into her bus.
"Cassie, I want you to know that I love you with every fiber of my being and I would never intentionally hurt you."
"Then what do you call making out with your ex?"
"Stupid." I sighed, shoving my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants. "I wish I had a better excuse than the fact that I was black-out drunk and I honestly don't know what happened or why."
She remained silent, unable to make eye contact with me.
"All I do know is that I won't be whole until you're in my life again."
She wiped her eyes and sniffled. "You broke my heart. Seeing you with that bitch," I knew she was referring to Brianna profiting off of our misfortune by blabbing to high-paying tabloids. "I can't give you the big family you want... and she can."
My expression sunk. "No, baby, please." I reached out for her but she shied away from me. It hurt, but I continued. "I don't want her, I want you. I need you. I love you."
"Louis..."
"Please, give me another chance. Let me spend every day of the rest of our lives making it up to you and showing you how much I love you."
She finally looked me in the eyes, rivers of tears fell down her face. "I love you too." She choked out over a harsh sob, pushing herself into my arms. I instinctively wrapped her in a tight embrace as I felt her body against mine again.
"I will never let you go again."