Back for More // louis t.

Twenty Eight - Gotta Be You

//For the purposes of the story going forward, Adore You by Miley Cyrus has been added to Cassidy's songs. All Credit to original artists//

A week later and Katie had spent every night with Niall on the boys' bus. From Paris, we went to Brussels, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, and ended up in Stockholm, Sweden.

"Good evening, Stockholm!" I called into the microphone after finishing my fourth song of the set. "I have a special treat for you all tonight!" I nodded to Katie, who sat down on a platform casually to take her sitting break.

It had taken a lot of convincing for Niall to let Katie go back on stage. Paul and Thomas explained to him that she was only a most a few weeks pregnant and the fans would question why she dropped off of the tour so suddenly. Katie also assured him that she would be more careful and wouldn't push herself too hard on stage. I promised to look after her while we were on stage together, hoping it would ease the man's anxiety a bit.

"Tonight I'm going to be doing a new song I wrote, I hope you like it." I had been prepping to do this song for an entire week, holding my band hostage in rehearsal. I had written the song in a day, the music in another, it was finally ready. I sat down at the grand piano on stage before nodding to Jack, who was waiting for my signal.

Jack started the beat and I joined in, followed by Mark and Katie strumming along.

"Baby, baby,
Are you listening?" I sang softly into the microphone that was now mounted on the stand, a crescendo building in the pit of my stomach.

"Wondering where you've been all my life,
I just started living,
Oh baby, are you listening?" My eyes fluttered shut as I let myself be enveloped by the song. Louis was backstage now, getting last-minute preparations ready for his show. He didn't know which song I had chosen to save for last tonight in Stockholm, only that I told him to listen carefully.

"When you say you love me,
Know I love you more,
When you say you need me,
Know I need you more,
Boy, I adore you-u-u-u-u," The words flowed off my tongue like silk. The same words he had so effortlessly said to me the first night we laid together.

When the song finished I had a single tear falling down my face as I turned to face the audience. They were cheering louder than I had ever heard them cheer for me before. They were only ever this loud for Louis and his bandmates, never me. My confidence soared as I thanked my band for their dedication to bringing this song to life this week, thanked the crowd for having me, and made my way off the stage with Katie.

As I rounded the hallway to the dressing room, a pair of arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a tight hug. "That was incredible, Cassidy." Louis' voice cracked like he had been crying. I turned in his arms to face him, placing my hands against his chest. He was ready for the show, fully dressed in his black tank top, black skinny jeans, and vans, all hooked up to his earpiece and microphone in hand.

"You are incredible, Louis Tomlinson." I corrected him with a smile, going on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Now go show everyone just how incredible you are."

Louis smiled wide, his eyes crinkling in the corners in my favorite way before he reluctantly let go of me and followed the other three men to the stage entrance. I caught a glimpse of Katie wishing Niall good luck as he ran a hand over her belly.

The man was obsessed with her belly and she wouldn't even be showing for a few more months. He was completely enthralled in the fact that his baby was growing in there. Every time I saw them acting domestically I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

I met Louis first, I should be the one having sweet moments like that first. But I would try my best to shake those thoughts out of my head and be happy for my best friend. She deserved to be happy, and maybe one day I would have that too.

When I stepped into the shower, my expression dropped. I could see every imperfection on my body all at once. I had scars on the tops of my thighs and insides of my forearms that were just barely visible, slowly fading away.

I had scars from my surgeries all over my abdomen from after Joseph. There were large stretch marks on my stomach from when I lost a bunch of weight during my freshman year of college after Reid and more on my thighs from after Joseph. Everything was a reminder.

I scrubbed harshly at my skin to the point of irritation, washing my hair and my face quickly. I made my way back to the bus in a blind stupor, just wanting to crawl into my bunk and collapse from exhaustion.

Jack and Mark were already there playing Xbox when I arrived. By now I had figured out not to wait up for Katie or expect her to come back for the night. She was on the other bus right now, getting ready for bed and waiting for Niall to finish his show.

I wished with every fiber in my being that I had an excuse to stay with Louis, but I had ended up in my own bunk alone each night this week. Louis would FaceTime me and text me until we both fell asleep, but the jealousy of knowing that Niall and Katie were allowed to cuddle and be together was slowly chipping away at my sanity.

Tonight I wouldn't get to FaceTime with Louis before bed. He had promised he would call his son tonight after the show and Freddie always came first. The thought of Freddie brought back that jealous feeling again. Why couldn't I be Freddie's mother? Why couldn't I be the one having Louis' baby? But I knew I was being irrational. Freddie was an accident, Louis' favorite accident, but an accident at that. If I had been his mother I wouldn't be with Louis now. I couldn't get pregnant in this stage of my life. I wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility and I was just getting my career started. There was even a chance I couldn't get pregnant at all.

I texted Louis good night and asked Mark and Jack politely to keep it down before turning over in my bunk to go to bed. It still took hours of tossing and turning, counting sheep, deep breathing, and everything I could think of before I could fall asleep without Louis' voice or body next to mine. I was becoming so dependent on the man I loved.