"I don't even know how to begin," Gerard said, huddled in the big armchair with Mikey. "To say I'm sorry."
"So don't," Ray told him. "Forget it."
Gerard kind of smiled. "Just like that?"
Bob nodded. "Just like that. It wasn't you, man. We all know that."
Gerard shook his head and looked away, his mouth turned down at the corners. He said, "But I remember it. I remember it like it was me."
"It wasn't," Mikey said softly.
Gerard sighed. "Are the kids safe?"
"They're with Craig." Mikey put his arm around Gerard's shoulders and rubbed his arm.
Gerard looked at him. "I don't want them to see me like this."
"They won't. Craig's taking care of them."
Gerard nodded. It was so quiet in the room. Frank was sitting on the floor. He hugged his knees to his chest. "What's going to happen tomorrow? When the Cardinal gets here?"
"We'll have to leave the house," Brian said, wincing as he tried to shift positions. "There's a church not far from here, I guess the Cardinal arranged with the local priest for it to be empty."
Gerard nodded. "That's good."
"No," Frank tried again. "But I mean with the exorcism. What will he do?"
Gerard took a deep breath, raising his eyebrows. "I've never done one. Not a real one. From what I hear the film is actually not entirely inaccurate."
Frank looked up. "The priests die in the film."
"Exorcisms are actually very rarely sanctioned by the Church. Partly because most cases of demon possession turn out to be something else - dystonia, schizophrenia, hysteria. Partly because nobody is more skeptical about demons than the Vatican, believe me," Gerard kind of rolled his eyes. "And partly because, well, they're dangerous. People die, and then the Church gets held responsible. Priests have been convicted of homicide for their involvement."
Gerard paused, took another breath and went on, "So it might be better if you aren't there."
"And there's another thing you can forget," said Ray.
"It's too dangerous," Gerard insisted. "The very basic aim of exorcism is to make it so uncomfortable for the demon to inhabit the human body that it would rather go back to Hell. But it is totally possible for it to jump to someone else instead, and I can't take that risk."
"We're not leaving you," said Brian. "That's final."
"You said people die," Bob spoke up. "I thought if - if something happened to you, then won't the demon get free?"
"Either that, or my death will prevent it totally," Gerard said blankly. "I wonder if my soul will go to Hell?"
"You're not going to die," Frank snapped. Gerard blinked at him, and Frank thumped the table in frustration. "There must be something else we can do, Gee, we can go through the books again, can't we?"
Gerard shook his head. "There's nothing else."
"So our options are you get exorcised, it works, and the Vatican bans you from seeing us," Frank said, his throat hot and tight like the skin around his eyes, "Get exorcised, it works, and you lose your mind like Luke. Or you get exorcised, it doesn't work and you die? There must be another way!"
"Frankie," Gerard said gently. "There isn't. I'm sorry. The only thing we can do now is wait."
Frank gritted his teeth so he wouldn't start yelling. Mikey brought his other hand up to Gerard's face, rubbing at the dried blood that was still spattered over his cheek. "Do you want anything?"
Gerard thought about it, then said, "A bath." Mikey laughed, just once, like he was surprised into it, and Gerard managed half a wobbly smile in response. "What, is that weird?"
"Only because it's you," Mikey teased him. Gerard made a noise that might have started out as a laugh, and Mikey pulled him up, out of the chair. "Come on, I'll help you."
Frank watched them leave. He looked at Bob and Brian, who were both wearing twin clenched-jaw expressions of denying how shitty they felt, and at Ray, who was hunched over his kit, using his fingertips to shuffle things around.
"There has to be something else we can do," he said again.
Nobody replied.
