The Story Doesn't End With the Book

The Secret Society of Emotionally Scarred Teens

Ayla, September 2020

This is the second meeting. I like to imagine that like it's some secret society. I suppose it could be 'The Secret Society of Emotionally Scarred Teens'. I speak for myself, at least. 

Asher's here again. He's staring at something I can't see from my angle, and he's worrying about something, it's evident in the way he holds his shoulders back and his hands rubbing on his knees. I wonder how he feels about being the only guy here. He looks like he doesn't care, but his mind is elsewhere, I can tell. He's wearing the same ripped jeans as last time, I think. Or maybe it's a nearly identical pair. He also has on a leather jacket, and a beanie. He looks like 'Motorcycle Badass' meets 'Surfer Dude'. 

We're sitting in Maryn's garage again, because of the wind. This time I brought gloves for my hands. It's a little different than last time. Someone's put up some Christmas lights on the wall, seeing as there aren't any other sources of light in the garage. 

Maryn opens the door that leads to her backyard, with River trailing behind her. Maryn's wearing a dark grey ski jacket, with black jeans. She's wearing boots, even though she only had to walk from her house to the garage. River, on the other hand, is the opposite. She has a hoodie, leggings and sneakers. She must be either cold from the wind blowing through the September skies, or inhuman. 

"What's up, besties!" River jokes and waves at us. 

It's curious that she seems to be putting on a show all the time. I can see right through her charade. She jokes around to cover up what she really cares about. I think she's afraid that if she starts caring too much something will get taken away from her, and she'll screw it up. I've had it happen to me. 

I have (or had, not sure what to call it) a much older brother, and he left when I was 10. He's eight years older than me. He never calls. Never cares to ask how we're doing. He just left, and never came back. I tried (and still try) to hide the fact that it really messed me up. I pretended I didn't really care. But I've never cared so much in my entire life. And after that, I pretended not to care about anything. People call me cold, or ignorant and indifferent. But it's better than being a cry baby. 

Maryn laughs, shaking me out of my daydreams. "Really, River? This is the second time you've seen each other."

"Just you wait." River says mischievously, then sits down in the chair between Asher and Maryn and looks at her. "So what's the agenda today, Miss Journalist?" 

"Pff, I'm far from a journalist and you know it. Anyway, today I thought we'd talk more about the beginning of the pandemic. How you felt, what you noticed, things like that. Feel free to just jump in and say whatever."

The beginning? That was so long ago; I can hardly keep up with my thoughts from yesterday. My problem, is that I think too much. About everything. So when I try to remember what I thought about one thing or another, it escapes me, and I'm at a loss for words. I decide to keep my mouth shut for the moment, and wait for someone else to go first. 

Asher actually starts talking, which surprises me. I don't think he's said anything this entire time yet. "That's easy. I needed a break. Well, I guess everyone needed a break, but I especially needed it. I was, uh, not doing so well in school, but also with my friendships too. I had way too many things going on, and I needed that reset button, you know?" 

Yes. I understand. 

Social things overwhelm me. I'm not super introverted or anything, but often it's tiring for me to engage in one thing for a long time. I just feel like it's useless, you know? If you look at humanity from the perspective of the universe, and it's just so small. No one understands these ideas I have. I guess I haven't shared many of them, so I can't really say that.