Family Ties (Heathers Reader Insert)

FOURTEEN

"Y/n," I hear. It sounds so far away. "Y/n... I need to get you inside." It's Veronica. "Y/n. You're bleeding too much. I need to get you inside." I shake my head, unable to say anything.

What is there to say?

"He'd want you to be strong. You know that, right? Be strong, just like he was," Veronica says gently. Just like he was. Was. "We have to get your wound covered up, okay?" She stands up shakily. "Come with me." I hesitantly take her hand and she pulls me up. I stumble, suddenly light-headed. I see a pool of blood. My blood.

"Oh...," I breathe out. She grabs my hand and pulls my arm across her shoulders, quickly propping me up before I can collapse.

"You can do this."

"... I can't...," I say weakly. I take deep breaths, trying not to black out from the pain.

"Yes, you can." I try not to lean all my weight on her, but it's hard.

"It hurts..." She wraps her arm around my waist, trying to keep me steady. I close my eyes.

"I know. I know it does. But... Don't give up on me, y/n. It'll get better once we wrap it up." I nod. "Walk with me. You're okay. I've got you. Just hold onto me."

"... Okay." I don't think the knife cut as deep as I thought it did. I don't think so, at least. All the moving I did must have made me bleed more than I should have. That's what happened, I tell myself. I'll be... Fine. Do I want to be fine, though?

"Just a few steps, okay? You're strong." Veronica helps me into the school and past the gym, talking to me in hushed tones as if I'm a frightened animal. Most of it seems like nonsense, but it is calming me down quite a bit. She sets me down by the nurse's office. "Stay here."

"It's not like I can go anywhere like this. Even if I could, where would I go? The pep rally?" I laugh weakly, but it soon turns into a grimace. "I don't think pep is what I need right now." She smiles uncertainly and opens the door.

I'm left alone with the faint panic from the gym and my own thoughts. Maybe they heard the explosion. I take a shaky breath, pulling the knife out. My fingers idly trace out the carved patterns.

"I love you, Jason. I'm sorry it turned out like this. I don't... At..." My voice cracks. "At least you'll get to see mom again, right?" I feel a few tears roll down my face. "You're lucky. You're free from this place. Free as a bird." I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. "I hope you're happy, now. Fly away." My voice has quieted to a whisper. I rest my head back on the wall. The door opens and Veronica walks out with a first aid kit. I quickly wipe away my tears.

"You don't need to keep up an image, y/n. It's okay to cry." I nod shakily, wiping my face with my sleeve.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just..."

"Don't be sorry. You went through so much today." She pats my arm. "Just... Let it out." I nod, opening the first aid kit when she makes no move to do it herself.

I start wiping away the blood from my wound, wincing from the disinfectant. I curse quietly, gritting my teeth.

"You okay?" She asks when she sees my expression. I nod, then focus on her face for a second, the pure terror reflected in her eyes. I had a hand in that. How is she acting so calm? Is she just doing it so that I'll be calm as well?

"... Veronica?" I ask. "I'm... I'm sorry you had to go through all of this." She doesn't look up. "You didn't deserve this mess," I say.

"You don't need to apologize for your brother, y/n."

"But he's not around to apologize. I need to," I say. She shakes her head, staying quiet. I wrap my leg after a minute, waiting for her to say something.

"It's not your fault. It's okay," she says. She opens the door again, sliding the kit inside the room. She leans against the wall beside me.

"It is my fault. I killed two people."

"You are the bravest, most loyal person I know. You shouldn't be the one apologizing." I look away. "I should. I let all of this happen." I shift my legs into a more comfortable position. "You knew what was right in the end. Before I did, even." I rub my eyes. Loyal. Brave. Ironic, considering my thoughts standing out in that field.

"I'm sorry."

"You need to stop apologizing for things that I've already forgiven you for." I close my eyes.

"No, it's not... I'm sorry for..." I trail off. "I wanted to die, you know," I whisper after a while.

"What?"

"If I had left that bomb there in the field, it would have been just fine. I didn't technically need to be there holding it." I open my eyes, looking at her. "It... I knew what damage it would have done without me shielding it. I could have even disarmed it, if I wanted to." It seems to sink in, what I'm telling her. Her eyes widen and she grabs my arms.

"Y/n-"

"I deserved it, you know. When I took it out, I... I thought the world would be better off without me. And I was selfish. I wanted people to see me differently, even dead. See, I deserve it. I'm not noble or brave. I'm so cowardly and selfish, I should have died out there." I look down. "I wanted it to stop. Stop... Stop all of the pain. It's still here. I can't escape it. No matter what I do, I can't escape it. I... I want to do it." She tightens her grip on me. "I want to leave."

"Please don't do this to yourself."

"Veronica, you'd be a lot happier if you weren't stuck with me."

"No! No, I wouldn't!" I blink at her sudden outburst. "It'd be so much worse if I was alone! Do you understand how much I care about you? I need someone who gets what just happened."

"But..." I sigh. "You don't need me. No one does. Not even me."

"Y/n, you're exactly what we need. We need someone who isn't afraid to-"

"What do you mean? I am afraid! I'm afraid to be myself. I'm afraid to live. I'm afraid every fucking day that when I wake up, I'll lose even more until there's nothing left!" I collapse in on myself. "I'm scared." She goes quiet.

"We all are." She grabs my hand. "But we need someone who isn't afraid to make it better! That someone is you. From the first day I met you, I knew that you were different. You are different. And you can change this place for the better!"

"What if I mess up? What if I do everything he wanted?" She shakes her head.

"Y/n, you will make this place better. I know you will." I swallow.

"How do you know that I won't turn into him?" She hugs me.

"Because you're not him. You're you." My lip trembles. I am my own person. I shiver in her arms. "You're you."

"Veronica, I'm nothing. I'm less than nothing. I should be."

"Y/n, don't do this to yourself, okay?" I shake my head.

"It's true! I'm a murderer!" She rubs my back.

"You tried to make it better. You forced me to see the truth. You didn't know you were even killing them. You did everything you could to save the school. You... You almost took a bullet for me." I tremble. "You did everything in your power to make things better."

"But..."

"Stop it, y/n." I slowly hug her back, taking a few shaky breaths. "Stop trying to prove you're a bad person. It's wrong." I bury my face in her shoulder, drying my eyes. Even though I don't have Jason to comfort me anymore, Veronica is a pretty close match now.

"... Thank you." I know I'm not a good person. I never will be. I close my eyes, leaning back against the wall with a sigh. We stay quiet for a moment.

"So now what?" I remember what Jason told me in the field.

"We..." I exhale slowly. "We have to make things better."