Family Ties (Heathers Reader Insert)

EPILOGUE

I fiddle with the paper on the bouquet, focusing on the ground below me. All I need is Veronica, and we'll be good to go.

It's been years since I've been here. Almost an entire decade. But Veronica had suggested it, so I, of course, agreed. Now I'm beginning to wonder if it's a mistake to come here.

"Y/n." I look up to see my best friend in the flesh. She gives me a small smile. I rush forward, hugging her tight.

"It's good to see you, Veronica."

"Really good." She pulls back slightly. "Are you ready?" I swallow hard. As much as I've wanted to do this, school has always gotten in the way. It costs a lot to come here from my university. And yes, I've sort of been delaying it. I take a deep breath.

"Yes," I say. She nods.

"Then lead the way." I take one step, then another, slowly seeming to wake up as my feet find the trail I so often traversed when I was younger, before we had left. It's a beautiful day. The sun's out, not a cloud in sight. A light autumn breeze wafts through the air, signalling the start of a new season and the end of another.

I forgot how serene this place was. We continue walking through row upon row. I look up to see a flock of migrating birds up in the sky. I slow my journey.

"Free as a bird. Fly away."

I heart my heart in my ears, a great, resonating beat that overtakes me. I close my eyes. Deep breaths. Deep breaths, y/n.

"Y/n?" The pounding diminishes. I glance back at Veronica. "Everything okay?" I take a shaky breath.

"... Everything's fine." I continue walking. It's been over three years since we left Westerburg. It still feels like yesterday when I watched my brother get blown sky high in that football field, though. Three years since Heather Chandler died. Since Kurt and Ram were struck by my bullets. Three years since those horrible, mentally-scarring events.

Veronica's still healing from them, too. Trying to, at least. But we're doing it together. After everything that happened, her family accepted me with open arms as one of their own. Let me into their house, their lives. Pretty soon, it felt like I could have grown up with the Sawyers, like they were my family. I felt loved. This hollow, empty shell of the person I used to be was, and still is, loved. But I'm still damaged. Even more so than before.

Sometimes, even after three years, I'll wake up from nightmares of my brother's and mom's deaths, and I'll call her. When she answers, I'll know she was probably awoken by some haunting memory, too. Sometimes we'll just sit there in the silence, comforted simply by the fact that the other person is still there. That there's someone out there who ensures we're not alone.

It'll never really leave us, though. We both know that. It'll stay with us until the day we die. Whether it's the nightmares and memories, to something simple like my limp or my scar, we both know it's never going away.

I slow, finding what I'm looking for not ten feet away. I stop in front of it, reading off the name. I trace it out with my fingers, the cool stone greeting me like an old friend. I feel tears prickle at my eyes.

"Hey, mom," I whisper.

I wonder if she's listening.

"It's... I know it's been a while. But I wanted to say hello." I gently place the bouquet down, kneeling in front of my mother's grave. "I know you probably wanted to see dad and... And Jason, but..." I trail off. "Dad wouldn't have wanted to come, and I guess I respect that, and Jason... I'm thinking you already know."

I trace out the name again. Beloved wife and mother. I close my eyes.

"Ever since that day you left, I- We had never felt so alone. We were scared... I was scared. I almost joined you, mom. That one day, on the bridge. I had never felt so worthless, so... So alone." I wipe at my eyes. "I know you wouldn't have wanted me to do that, I know. I-It's just... It's hard." I hear a slight quaver in my voice. What am I even saying? "I miss you so much that it hurts. Dad doesn't care about me, Jason and I... We... I never kept my promise, and you-"

My voice breaks up. I know Veronica can hear me. She can see my weakness so raw and exposed, out in the open. Anyone could, really. They could looks at me and know almost exactly what was wrong with me. A painful sob rips from my chest.

"Why did you leave me, mom?" I feel hot tears drip down my face, hitting the delicate petals of the flowers, covering them in glistening droplets. I start to ramble. I can't stop it anymore. I let out all my anger, all my frustrations, all my anguish. At her. At my brother. At my dad. At our family. At the world.

And at myself. So much of it is directed at myself.

I talk until I break down, until my throat hurts from crying and rambling on and on. No matter how many times I've tried to convince myself that it's all okay, I've never been successful. It's never okay. It never has been. Ever since she left us, since she left me, nothing was ever okay. Arms wrap around me, a voice whispering in my ear.

"Shh, y/n. I know. I know. It's okay." I bury my face in the person's sweater. It's Veronica. Of course it's Veronica. She came here with me. She's been here with me the entire time. I sob softly.

"It hurts. Veronica, I want it to stop..." She hugs me tighter.

"I know, y/n. I know." She rubs comforting circles onto my back. "Breathe, y/n. I'm here." This is how it's always been like. Back in Sherwood, one of us waking the other with screams and thrashes. And then trying our hardest to comfort each other, when we both knew full well that it'll never be enough. Not for long, at least. I sob into her shirt.

Why did I come here, when I knew how painful it would be?

She gently murmurs something to me. I can't hear her. It's too loud. It's too overwhelming. I can't, I can't, I can't... I can't do this anymore, I can't do any of this.

I raise my head slightly as I realize Veronica's not talking to me anymore.

"Your daughter is such an amazing person. She saved me. She saved everyone at our school. And it makes me so sad that no one knows what she sacrificed for them." She swallows hard. "You should be proud. So proud of the person she's become. Y/n is a hero."

"Veronica-" She gently shushes me.

"She's one of the only reasons I'm still here today." Her voice wavers. "She..." She trails off, her eyes unfocused and cloudy. It reminds me of what I see whenever I look in the mirror. I hug her tight.

"Veronica," I say gently. A tear rolls down her face. I purse my lips, turning back to my mother's grave. Neither of us says anything for a while. I finally speak up. "I'm not so alone anymore." Veronica flinches a bit at my voice. I rub her back. "I have friends. I have the Sawyers. They... They took me in. Like a family." I look down.

"I just wish you could've seen the person your daughter has become." I glance over at Veronica. She focuses on the grave. I rest my head on her shoulder. "You'd be proud." I wipe at my eyes. We stay here for a while, one of us occasionally saying something, but mostly sitting there in silence. I slowly stand up.

"Veronica." She looks up at me. "Let's go." I offer a hand. She takes it, and I pull her up. I turn away from the grave.

"Are you okay?" She asks behind me. I clench my fists, looking down at the grass beneath my shoes. I turn my attention to the sky.

Three years ago, I was staring up at the same sky in a small town called Sherwood, Ohio. Utterly alone and convinced that I was worthless, that I didn't deserve to be here any longer. Standing at the edge of a bridge, my grip on the railing the only thing preventing it all from ending. Ready to die at my own hands.

I take a deep breath, then smile back at Veronica.

"I'm great."

And now I'm ready to live.