Something To Fight For

Forgive and Forget

I had been wondering if I should approach Carl or not since Rick had supposedly given me permission. All of this was weird to me.

Ever since we got back, Rick and Daryl had been trying to get close to me and make their apologies further known. But every time Rick stepped anywhere close to me, I'd flinch. It wasn't like I felt scared of him it seemed to be like some sort of instinct reaction now. I was stabbing walkers through the fence with Rick since he'd asked me to.

"How'd you rest last ni-" I interrupted him.

"I didn't." I knew he could tell I still didn't feel comfortable around him. Part of me knew I should be thanking Rick for finally letting go of his insane grudge against me that I never understood but part of me was still upset about it.

And another part of me was upset about Maggie and Glenn being captured. They got captured because of me. It was all my fault--no one else's.

How could I have been so immature? I let my teenage girl feelings and attitude blind me from the problem at hand. Now, they had Glenn and Maggie because I wanted to confront Rick right outside of Woodbury. How pathetic was I!

"I don't blame you." Rick said lightly, taking me from thought. I chuckled dryly and turned to face him.

"Well you should, Rick. Because of me, two great people got captured and might not get out. I'm such an idiot kid!" I said starting to walk away since we were almost done with the task anyway. But the main reason I walked away was because Rick was starting to get on my nerves.

"It wasn't your fault," Rick started. I turned back to him with eyebrows raised; suddenly maximally irritated.

"Enlighten me," I said, throwing my arms up in exasperation. He walked up closer to me and I could see Daryl tense from the corner of my eye. As did I, Daryl; as did I.

I was beginning to think that I was okay with Daryl. It was Rick I was still worried about because he seemed very unstable. Still, though, his kindness and sudden change of heart seemed as real as this apocalypse.

"It was my fault. Because I was the one who had started something they shouldn't have. . ." He let that soak in and then continued.

"I know that we got off on the wrong foot, but I just wanted to let you know why I saved you today. But I'll tell you after you go spend some time with my son. Because I can guarantee that he misses you more than he misses anything else." With those words, every grudge I held against Rick suddenly vanished. He wasn't the irrational dictator I had come to know him as; he was the rational representative democrat that cared for the people he was taking care of.

I relaxed my arms; my soul, and then I walked towards him. Closer and closer. And wrapped my un-tensed arms around him in a pretty decent grip. I guess you could say that this was my way of saying that I forgave Rick for everything. But with that being said, if he ever did change again for the worst, I would never let him forget about what he did.

******
I walked up to me and Carl's cell to find him cooing a baby Judith. Beth was in there with him so I decided to keep myself hidden for a little while.

"I miss her, too, Carl," Beth said in her sweet, soft voice. I smiled, already knowing that they were talking about me.

"I just wonder if she'll still like me as much as she did before. . ." Carl said with worry in his voice. I heard a short, light chuckle come from Beth.

"Trust me, Carl. She will."

"But how do you know, Beth?" Carl asked sounding extremely worried.

"Have you seen her, lately? Or am I the only one? She has bags under her eyes from lack of sleep and her eyes are always freaking bloodshot."

I could imagine Carl giving Beth a dubious look,"What does that have to do with her missing me?"

"It's easy. I can guarantee you that the reason she has those bloodshot eyes, is because she can't sleep at night; probably thinking about you." I thought about how right she was. It always started out with me falling asleep purely from exhaustion; which was when Rick would bring Carl in, and then I would wake up and stay awake the rest of the time. And I would fall asleep only every once in a while.

Time really had started to take its toll on me. And I hope this talk with Beth, would make him realize how much I really needed him, and hopefully how much he needed me. I was about to walk away and go tell Rick about what Carl was doing when I realized that he was probably busy trying to get Glenn and Maggie back. And, plus, I heard something.

"I love her, Beth. I love her so much." And then, I heard Beth whisper.

"I know, Carl. I know."