Forever For You 🌷

28th June 2013

His hands were shaking and he wasn't used to it, couldn't put his finger on the nervousness that was coursing through his body because, as he had reminded himself over and over again since they'd arrived, it was just another show, just another night crooning and playing to a crowd of people, albeit a larger and more important crowd than usual.

He was running empty on new worries now so played the same ones back in his head, had already acknowledged everything that could have gone wrong, had changed his set-list around and back again twice and had already thrown back a few nervous shots of tequila, the burn in his throat a distraction from the building panic in the back of his mind, but it was the thought of all those eyes on him both at home and in the crowd, whether or not he would meet the expectations everyone had as to how he would behave and the pure, unadulterated fact that it was biggest show of his life so far.

As he stared back in the mirror, toyed with strands of his hair which hadn't fallen exactly as he had idealised that morning, he was despite all his anxieties well aware that the effort he'd gone to was worth it, that he looked the part. The glittering suit jacket fit him perfectly over his all black outfit and he stretched his jaw in the mirror, shamelessly pushing his lips together as he admired his own endeavours with his appearance.

Behind him, the energy was raucous. Matt seemed more enthusiastic than ever, Jamie less quiet than usual and Nick was grinning and cracking jokes to loosen him up, but Alex couldn't help but feel a tension in his shoulders that no cigarette or drink would ease.

This wasn't any show, this was no ordinary night and in his moment of solitude and hysteria, he couldn't help but feel that something, someone, was missing.

There had been a pinch of excitement in the pit of his stomach that she would be here, his need to see her, hear her voice and glorious laughter in person prevailing above every waking thought because he hadn't seen her since her birthday and so much had changed. He selfishly wanted her here with him, knew without a doubt that she would fuel him with confidence and he longed for one of those hugs she gave where they melted into each other, her familiar perfume soothing him beyond logic and reason.

He was just about to tip back another shot which he already knew he would regret, when her unexpected call broke him from his daze and he strode quickly to the other side of the room, then stepped away from the commotion before answering her.

"Izzeh?"

Alex could hear the tv blaring in the background and instantly pictured her on the sofa, her legs tucked underneath her, her dark, untamed hair sprawled out around her face.

"That's me..." she laughed softly back, pressing the button which turned the television mute. "Hi."

"'s fookin' good teh 'ear yehr voice," he mumbled, dragging his hand and ring through the side of his hair as he leant back against the wall. "Are yeh alrehyt? 'ow yeh feelin'?"

"I'm doing good," she said, chewing the inside of her cheek, tucking the blanket she had draped over her body around her feet. "It's been a good week."

"Oh, yeh?" he replied with a relieved and genuine grin. The calm in her voice soothed him massively, made his nerves disappear for a moment as he focused on her, comforted by the way she was handling herself despite everything she'd had to deal with in the past month, knew that the breakup hadn't been easy on her. "Wha' yeh been up teh?"

"Well, working mostly..." she nodded, her eyes flicking up at the screen as the name Arctic Monkeys flashed up. "Got a big wedding this weekend so we've been working towards that."

"Imagine 'avin' a weddin' on this weekend..." Alex tutted jokingly, shaking his head. "When Glastonbureh's fookin' on..."

"But the best act of the weekend is tonight..." she hummed, smiling when she heard his deep laugh into the speaker, the noise relaxing her.

Alex's cheeks flushed a little at her compliment and he sucked in his cheeks. He had known she'd make him feel good, whether it be her flattering remarks which built up his confidence, or the tranquil energy she gave off that every conversation with her settled in him. "Stones are 'eadlinin' tomorrow, Izz..." he responded.

She gave a short laugh in response then spoke again, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "How are you, Al?"

Alex sighed, his breath shaking. He thought about lighting up a cigarette to buy some time to put together a response, but knew he'd already had a few too many out of stress and didn't want to strain his voice more than he already had. "Teh tell yeh the truth, Izz, 'm a lil' bit nervous..."

"Nobody will be able to tell," she assured him quickly, always seeking to make him see reason beyond his erratic thinking. "Not with the way you strut around all pouty, move your hips-"

"I dun't strut..." he chuckled, scratching his chest.

"You do and you know it," Izzy grinned.

There was a moment of silence between them where they simply smiled at the thought of each other.

Izzy tucked the blanket tighter around herself and settled into the sofa cushions, her eyelids already heavy but she forced her eyes open again before they could close because she didn't want to miss a second of the spectacle she knew was about to happen on the screen in front of her, wanted to be awake and to feel every emotion that watching someone she held so dearly charm millions of people with their talent was sure to evoke within her. She missed his warmth, that smirk, the excited light in his eyes when he told a story.

Alex could hear the masses of cheering a screaming from another stage across the fields, could hear the distant thud of music all around him but was focused intently on her breathing, on the quiet hums and laughter she emitted, could picture her face perfectly with each sound. He missed her face, her hair, her smile, those eyes.

"Izzeh, I need yeh 'ere," he drawled, lowering his voice.

She pushed her lips together. "I'll be watching in my PJs. The tv is on, I'm ready... I'm just waiting for you to strut onto stage."

Alex nodded and attempted to swallow the lump in his throat. "Izz..."

"I'm so proud of you, Alex..." she whispered. "So proud."

"Means the world teh meh..." he mumbled back, staring up at the darkened sky above him, adjusting the chain around his neck.

"I miss you," she hummed, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

"I miss yeh more, darlin'."

He still longed for her to be here with everyone else important to him, wished to see her standing beside his mum or sharing a drink with Matt and Miles, wanted her to see her let loose and dance after a few too many shots but was relieved to have at least spoken to her before the most monumental performance yet, wanted to share this moment with her more than anyone and after they had hung up, he continued to think of her longingly, let the delicate mirage of her in his mind ease all of his worries.

Only half an hour later the silence became a rumble which became a thud into the opening of Do I Wanna Know? and the crowd roared for them. With her heart pounding in anticipation, eyes glued to the screen, Izzy recalled the first time she'd heard a sea of people cheer for them and she remembered how excited she'd been by it, loved how Alex thrived and played off of the crowd and now was no exception.

There was a frustrating nonchalance in the way he sauntered on stage and slung his guitar over his frame and the way he dipped and moved as he played his guitar made her skin tingle, the sheer electric energy of his demeanour and the moment overwhelming her. She laughed to herself because there truly was no way of knowing he was nervous, Alex looked incredibly in control and unapologetically confident, and she wondered if he had told anyone else or if she'd been the only one he'd let in on the secret.

The live-texting with Zara who was backstage with Miles kept her entertained, his almost incoherent mumbles made her laugh and roll her eyes continually, the set was a perfect blend of old and new which she couldn't help but sing along to and when he pulled out the acoustic she felt her heart swelling with adoration, sure that this was the proudest she'd ever been of Alex.