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Seven

SEBASTIAN

I wake up before Madelaine. The sun is just rising and I watch the color of the sky change as I listen to the quiet sounds of Madelaine's breathing. She's laying on the other side of the bed with her back to me. I love this time of the morning when I can just soak her in. She's always doing something or I'm always going somewhere and I never get the time to just sit and enjoy her. I notice her hair has gotten longer. It's down almost past her shoulder blades and it fans across her pillow, reaching back toward me.

Our conversation about me going to therapy weighs heavy on my mind. I know she only has my best interest at heart, but therapy? Really?

There isn't enough time in the world for me to unpack and figure out things about my dad. I just try not to think of it. In all honesty, I hadn't thought about it in years. Until I was fighting for Aurelia, I was fine.

Well, maybe not "fine".

I was managing it at least.

Many people have always asked me if I am a "dark and twisted" person since I always seem to play a bad guy in movies. I always try to joke around it and I'm not sure why. I know it's okay to not be okay. I know it's okay to get help when it's needed.

So, why am I so hesitant?

I know it will make me feel better, which will make my relationships stronger. I won't make stupid decisions that put Madelaine in awkward situations.

My hands rub my face as I think about the movie premiere and everything that happened with Alexia. What was I thinking?

I've done some pretty dumb things in my life but that may be in the top five.

the fact that I allowed Alexia to manipulate me like that is one of the reasons why I agreed to therapy. It took me a moment to understand.

When Madelaine mentioned Alexia, Aurelia was really upset.

I had brought her in my room and sat on the edge of the bed with her. She told me that Alexia wasn't her mom anymore and I just tried to calm her down. I didn't want to cause another panic attack.

Aurelia just kept saying. "Madelaine is my mom," over and over.

Every time she said it, a knife twisted in my heart as I thought back to telling Madelaine that Aurelia wasn't her child.

Sometimes I really am a fucking idiot.

Madelaine rolls over in her sleep and I carefully roll onto my side to be closer to her. God, she takes my breath away every time I look at her.

I thought that maybe after a few months of being together that would go away, but it hasn't.

Aurelia and Madelaine are truly my entire life. If someone told me to chose between everything about my lifestyle or the two beautiful girls in this apartment with me, I would choose them.

Every time.

That is why I agreed to therapy.

I felt the fear and agony of losing Madelaine once before, I couldn't risk that again.

Instead of waking Madelaine up like normal, I decide to let her sleep. I carefully get out of the bed and go into the bathroom to shower. The hot water runs down my back as I stand there trying to wake up. Aurelia has therapy today and my plan is to find out some information from her doctor about getting myself some help.

The shower door moves open and I look over my shoulder at a still very tired looking Madelaine. She doesn't say anything or meet my eyes as she walks under the water and wraps her arms around me. I spin around so I can wrap my arms around her and she rests her forehead on my chest.