Without You

Chapter 1

'Nobody loves you.'

'You're so worthless.'

'Why don't you just end it all now and do everyone a favour.'

They were just a few of the thoughts that went through my head on a regular basis. I mean I thought that everything the voice in my head said was true.

"Mummy!" I was pulled out of my thoughts when my six year old daughter Amelie ran towards me with an anxious look on her beautiful face.

She was the only person I had in my life. She was adorable but looked nothing like me. I guess she had my auburn hair but she had beautiful blue eyes whereas mine were grey.

When I found out I was pregnant with her, my parents disowned me and said that I was a disgrace to our family. I felt ashamed and abandoned. Never in a million years would I have thought that my parents would react that way. I had known thay they would be angry, but I had thought that we could go through everything together. I needed all the support I could get, but that wasn't what happened. I was left to fend for myself, with little to no money and nowhere to stay.

The night it happened, I had gone to a party and ended up drunk. When I woke up whoever had been with me was gone. I found out I was pregnant a few months later.

"What is it baby?" I asked picking her up and kissing her forehead.

"I need to go to the toilet Mummy," the six year old said looking as though she had waited until she was bursting for the toilet, and then come to me.

I got up quickly not wanting her to wet my bed and put her down on the bedroom floor. I grabbed her hand and we ran towards the bathroom.

"Mama!" The six year old went bright red and began crying. I looked down to see that she had wet her clothes. Amelie did usually go to the bathroom herself, but sometimes she was scared of the 'monsters' that might get her. What she didn't realise was that these monsters were inside her head, and that everybody had them.

"Oh Amelie, it's ok we can clean it up," I said walking her to the bathroom. I put her in the shower after putting her clothes in the washing machine.

"Mama you're not angry?" She asked looking up at me with her large blue eyes I shook my head "of course not," I said following the small child into the bathroom.

After putting on her clothes, I went and cleaned up the mess that was on the floor. It was carpet, so I got all of the cleaning products I could find and began scrubbing the floor.

"Are you hungry?" I asked her once I had finished cleaning the floor. She nodded, so I took her to the kitchen and began getting out the ingredients to make pancakes.

Once I was done, and the pancakes were cooked, I gave it to her and sat down watching her eat. "Mama have some?" She questioned trying to pass me some of her pancake. I shook my head and got up to get a glass of water. I hardly ever ate. I only had something to eat if I was about to pass out. I wanted to be skinny, and I would do anything to achieve my goal, even if that meant hurting others.

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