Without You

Chapter 18

I was discharged from the hospital a week later. The doctor said that my memory should come back when I started seeing more familiar places and people.

I arrived back at 'my house' and wandered around looking at all of the decorations and photographs of myself and the little girl hung up through the house. There were no pictures of me and the man, Sam was it? I wondered why. I continued looking around and found myself in a master bedroom. Still no pictures of me and my daughter's father.

I made my way back to the kitchen where Sam and Amelie were sat. "Why aren't there any pictures of you and me?" I asked bluntly. He sighed.
"I was hoping that you wouldn't ask that question," he said quietly. He told Amelie to go and watch some TV while we talked. She quietly made her way out of the room without a word.

Sam turned to face me. "Basically, we conceived Amelie in a one night stand, and so we didn't know each other. However, we found each other, and we were going to start our relationship by dating." He stated very quickly.
"What, so we're meant to be dating?" I asked. He seemed like he was holding something back. "Are you sure you're telling me everything?" I asked him. Something just wasn't right. Something wasn't adding up. He shook his head.
"No, we were happy and I was so upset about the accident," he said looking down. He was still hiding something, but I decided to let it be. Why on earth would he lie to me? What would he gain from lying to me?

The rest of the day consisted of me, getting to know my daughter a little bit better. I learned that her birthday was on the 28th of September and that she really liked playing with dolls. She said that she had only met her grandparents once. My parents? Why had she only met them once? So many questions had filled my head, but I pushed them to the back of my brain. I would remember them slowly but surely. I knew I would.

I got into bed that evening. Sam had gone to sleep on the sofa, but I had stopped him, telling him that he should lay next to me. I mean we were dating, right? That's what couples do. They sleep in bed together. I mean we had conceived a child with one another. I lay as far away from him as possible. I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't feel comfortable. Not just yet. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a deep slumber.

I walked slowly towards an old building. It looked very familiar. I saw a little girl playing in there. She looks happy and content with her life.

I then see a teenager. A teenager who dressed in all black and listened to rock music.

Then I see a young adult standing. Looking at a closed door, that had been slammed in her face. Her parents had disowned her, and kicked her out of the house due to her shaming the family, and tarnishing their reputation. She had gotten pregnant, and didn't know the father. She cries and sobs, repeatedly banging on the door. Hoping that her mother or father would listen to her cries for help. She hoped that that they would open the door and wrap their arms around her. Her hopes were ruined when the door opened and a man threw out a box. A box with all of her belongings in.

I jolted awake, wiping away the sweat that had formed on my forehead. Was this the way my life was going to be? I honestly thought at that time, I would be having nightmares for the rest of my life. God, we're those my parents? Had that actually happened to me? Many thoughts were flying around in my head, when I looked at the time. 2 pm! I couldn't believe that I had stayed asleep that long, and why did nobody get me up?

I got up and washed and casually made my way downstairs. I could smell something delicious, but couldn't quite tell what it was. I opened the door to the kitchen and my eyes fell upon a jar of nutella, and some pancakes. I rushed to sit down and began scoffing the unhealthy goodness. It warmed my insides and made me feel happy and content.

Once I'd finished, I placed the empty dishes into the sink and began washing them up. Something about washing up made me feel at ease. I didn't know what it was. "You don't have to do this," Sam stated... I think that was his name. I shrugged and told him that I was fine and wanted to do the job. Instead of leaving me be, he stood next to me and dried the dishes and put them away.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.
"Sure," he answered spontaneously.
"What was my relationship like with my parents?" I really wanted to know the answer to this. I'm sure he could tell me about it. He paused for a minute.
"You didn't really tell me a lot about your parents," he stated.

Why, whenever I asked him a question, it felt like he was hiding something. It seemed like it was something big as well.

"Where's Amelie?" I asked.
"At school," he answered. My little girl was at school. I couldn't believe that I still couldn't remember my life before the 'accident' I felt like something bad had happened. Had I been in a car crash? Nobody seemed to want to tell me what happened. Nobody at all. But I wanted to find out, and I would at any cost. I mean the only thing I noticed wrong with me were the bandages around my arms... Did I self-harm?