Black Dress Wedding

Chapter 7

My parents twirled around the dance floor, lost in each other. After nearly thirty years of marriage, they could still get entranced in each other's eyes. Younger me would have rolled my eyes at their cheesiness, but as I enter the second half of my twenties, the somber longing was all that filled me. I wanted that; I wanted my person. Even standing at his wedding, I wanted that person to be Jake, but all I was to him was a tarnished memory that he was desperately trying to forget.

Jake had made a quick exit from Stone Lake after high school. He eagerly returned to New York City to attend NYU. He had never loved the quiet serenity of the lake as I had. He wanted back to the bustling city and sparkling lights of the skyscrapers. The first chance he got, he took it and only returned for holidays.

I should have known when I saw his truck parked in the driveway that April afternoon that excitement was the wrong sentiment, but I was 18-years-old, about to graduate high school, and focused entirely on myself. I even skipped a couple of steps to get inside faster, but when my eyes fell on the group gathered around our dining room table, my stomach dropped.

My mom clutched Jake's hand as if willing her strength into him while his other hand fell softly on his mom's. My dad lingered close to my mom with his hands resting on her shoulders. My entrance shattered the quiet somberness of the moment. My parents and Beth lifted their eyes to me as I entered, but Jake's eye stayed on his mother's hand.

"Hey," my voice came out in a harsh whisper.

"Jen," Beth's voice was low a rough.

I had noticed the weight loss, but as I gazed at her, I knew what was coming. Her eyes were tired and sunken, her skin sallow. Had I been that self-obsessed that I had missed her depleting before me. "Come sit; I want to talk to you."

I slid onto the chair next to her as her free hand slipped to my knee and gave a soft squeeze.

"Jen," she began but was cut off.

Jake shot up from his chair and was out the front door with a bang before I could even register. My mom began to go after him, but Beth stopped her.

"Let him go," Beth's eyes stayed on me even though she was speaking to my mom. "Jen, I need to discuss something with you."

"You're sick," it just fell out of my mouth.

"I am," she gave a faint smile.

"But you're going to get better. You're going to be fine," I nodded to her.

"I am going to live for as long as I am supposed to, surrounded by those that I love."

"No." I shook my head violently back and forth as I jerked my knee from her touch. "You sound like you've given up. You have to fight."

"Jen, I have been fighting, and now it's time to enjoy my family." She reached up and tucked a tendril of my hair behind my ear.

"What do you mean you've been fighting. How long have you been sick?" My stomach was churning with anger and disbelief.

"I didn't want you kids to worry." The calmness to her voice that had once been so soothing now rubbed against me like sandpaper.

"Jake didn't know," I stammered. It was one thing to hide it from me, but to spring this on Jake.

"There was no need for anyone to worry. There is no need for anyone to worry. Everything will be fine."

"How can you say that? You are dying. You will be gone. I need you; Jake needs you. You can't give up." I shot up in the same fashion as Jake and followed his path out the door.

I had expected him to be gone, but he stood on the dock, my dock. I paused my intended path. I had planned to go there. I had wanted to gaze out over the tranquil water and lose myself in oblivion, but Jake was in my spot. Annoyance flared inside of me, but it was unfair.

I slowly walked to his side and was relieved as he let me join him in silence. It was a still day, and the lake looked like smooth glass reflecting the blue sky above. I gazed at it for a long time until my mind screamed to shatter it. I hoped a bird would swoop down and give the slightest touch to send ripples and destroy the image.

But it was Jake that shattered the moment with a low growl. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know."

He let out a manic laugh, "you didn't know. Look at her."

He was right; I should have known. It was so clear. Right in front of me the whole time. "I should have... I just didn't... I wasn't paying attention," I finally admitted.

He grabbed my shoulder and spun me to face him, forcing me to see his eyes as they burned with anger. "I trusted you. I trusted you to take care of things."

"This isn't my fault," I protested.

"Isn't it, though? It would have help if you called me. You should have been paying attention to something other than yourself."

"Jake, I..."

"You! There you go again; it's always about Jen. My mom is 500 feet away dying, and you were what? Thinking about prom?"

"Jake, that's not fair."

"Of course, it's not fair. My mom's dying. That's not fair. None of this is fair."

The anger cracked, and the strength he had always projected towards me seeped out of him, leaving the young boy that had promised never to let anything hurt me. He pulled me to him and let his face drop to my shoulder.

"My mom, Nif; what am I going to do without my mom?" A few tears squeezed from his eyes, dampening my shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Jake."

I clung to him as I felt the waves of silent sobs roll through his body. Long after they subsided, he continued to clutch me in his arms.