2/13/2021

22 1 0

by twobananasforaeuroo

by twobananasforaeuroo

Ria Elumba

I don't know how to feel if I'm being honest. I should feel happy because the girl I like asked me out, but I just feel eh. Not because of Lynn because life sucks. Depression sucks. Motivation is nonexistent. Don't get me wrong I'm not only dating her because I need something to fill that void. I actually do like her. It can just get hard to sort through how I feel about someone else if I can't even sort through how I feel about myself.

So far my morning and afternoon have been pretty sucky. I cried like twenty minutes ago. I don't know why, I just did. Then Nova FaceTimes me. I decide not to answer because I'm not feeling too great but when she calls again I answer thinking it might be important but knowing her it's probably not and she's just checking in.

When I answer Matthew is also in the call and lying on his beanbag and Nova is sitting a bit away from her phone with hi's, how are you's, are you okay's, how are you feeling's, and good afternoon's. I don't answer, I just laugh it off and say horrible. Maybe she'll get the message. But instead both of them, Nova and Matthew, start asking what's wrong.

I tell them I cried twenty minutes ago and they tell me to eat carbs? Because carbs give you serotonin or something and that's why junk food is so addicting. Well, what if I don't wanna feel better. Maybe I just want to wallow in self-pity, leave me alone.

They change the subject, well Nova changed the subject. Matthew is working on some painting of a cow. Nova starts asking how I'm "feeling" and about how I feel about dating Lynn. I don't give her a straight answer unless "good I guess." is an answer. I felt awkward being put on the spot like that. I'm also just a very nervous and anxious person. For her first question, I answer that I felt lonely but immediately Nova "reminded" me that I have Lynn, so how would I feel lonely? I don't know why I answered that.

All three of us talk for like two hours before Nova invites Lynn to the call. I asked why she didn't just facetime the group chat with all of us in it and she said she didn't because she wanted to talk to me first. Whatever the hell that means. Lynn joins almost immediately and asks what we want. I don't think Nova wants anything, I think she just wants to talk but I've been wrong before.

The call with Lynn in it starts a bit awkward but Matthew and Nova are pretty good at keeping a conversation going. The one thing I'm a bit confused about is what "surprise" Lynn keeps bringing up because they won't TELL ME. It looked as if Nova had no clue either even though Lynn keeps insisting that she told her. I can't tell Matthew's reaction because he was hunched over and working on his painting, sitting up to respond to one of us every few minutes.

At this point we've all been on facetime for at least four hours, Lynn told me she was going to learn guitar so she could serenade me, Nova keeps shouting at her siblings to shut up, Matthew left to eat for a bit, and Nova and I tried hanging ourselves with belts.

Matthew comes back a few minutes later to find Nova and I hanging ourselves so the only logical thing for him to do is join in. Lynn starts shouting at me to stop (it almost sounds like she's crying? Her camera is off so I don't know), I did. But not before she says, "If you kill yourself, I'm resurrecting you just to slap the shit out of you." Then out of nowhere, Nova decides to eat ten melatonin gummies. And immediately Matthew starts shouting stuff like "Bro you're gonna die."

He seems pretty worried too. I just brush it off because she'll probably wake up fine tomorrow with a big fat headache.

Eventually, Lynn has to leave for the night so it was just us three. When she left Nova asks me what the surprise was then Matthew tells her to check the chat so she does. As soon as she checks said chat, which I'm apparently not a part of, she revises her question and asks what I think the surprise is going to be. I reply with "death" as any stupid person would. I don't like surprises, they scare me. I mean my ex-girlfriend cheating on me was a surprise, what more could I ask for in life?

——————-

After Matthew's internet starts going downhill we all say goodnight and leave the call. About an hour later Lynn asks if we can all have a sleepover tomorrow at Matthew's, which was a Sunday because we didn't have school on Monday. Nova said she can't because she has church and she's staying later to help the little kids make pizzas. I didn't think she would be able to anyway because from what I've heard, her dad is a bit strict and she's homeschooled so she has school on Monday unlike us.

I can't go because my moms are going out tomorrow and there would be no one to take me and I just want to stay home tomorrow.

Matthew says he'd ask his mom but we'd all have to get a ride there because his mom doesn't want to drive into town to pick us up (because his family lives forty-five minutes out of town).

I don't know why Lynn wants a sleepover in the first place but she never explains herself either. Once she figured it wasn't going to work out she gave up on the idea and said goodnight.

Matthew, Nova, and I all say goodnight too but we probably didn't fall asleep until three in the morning because we're all insomniacs, so the thought of the so-called surprise happening tomorrow flooded my mind until I fell asleep.

Co-author: Ryan_Axel

Happy Valentines Day <3

if you have a valentine fuxk you. if you're lonely and reading wattpad same.

again. not a true on-going story