Twilight Remastered: Rekindled

three

Edward floats down out of nowhere using his inflatble balls and cums all over the smurf goblins. So the smurf goblins flee leaving bella alone so bella relived shouts " OH EDWARD YOUR BALLS ARE SO MAGINFENCT IF ONLY YOU WERE TO HOST A BALL LICKING PARTY"
Then edward goes "shut up baby i know it hoo haa"
Bella was like "acctually i was suppose to go to a dumb hoes party but she dosent have balls like yours so can we can just go to chuck e cheese instead" so they flew all the way to chuck e cheeses
So they sit down at a table the waitress comes by and says " welcome to chuck e sneezes what can i vomit on your plate today" bella goes "um acctually its my birthday today"
The waitress moans like a e girl "ugh fine heres your stupid fuckin hat"
Bella goes "mmm thankies" bella gets up and sprints to the ticket blaster and punts some 3 year old across the room she goes into the ticket blaster and vaccums all the tickets into her mouth.
She comes back with a mouth full of tickets and spits them all over the table.
Edward looks at her and asks "do you wanna know what the sqaure root of pie is?"
Bella face goes blank and all you can hear is the fax machine sound and then she slams her fist onto the table and yells "NO I ALREADY KNOW IT"
Edward in awe of her inteillgence cums the hawaiian islands out of his pants complete with pineapple pizza.
Edward tells bella " i can read peoples minds but i cant read yours thats why im madly in love with you."
Edward begins pointing out different kids in the Chuckie Sneezes, saying, "that person is thinking of Legos, that one is thinking of bitches on a Mercedes Benz, that one, about reestablishing the USSR". The whole time, Bella's face has been blank, with the fax machine sound even louder, and by the time Edweiner finishes talking, she looks at him, saying, "...wut?"

After a long night of beating kids at poker, and winning a key chain from the item shop using her 3,000 tickets, Edmeister floats her home with his balls. Finally, sue decides to search the deep web, finding a sketchy article about vampires that has too many pop-up ads, where she realizes Eddy is the chupacabra.

The next day, she is boogie shuffling to school, but carefully this time, when she sees Edward. Upon seeing him surrounded by groupies admiring his balls, she turns into a manic pixie dream girl and gallops into the woods on all fours like a goat, thinking it'll attract Ed. It works, and Edd becomes horny, allowing his boner to guide the way.