Twilight Remastered: Rekindled

6

As bella and edward walk up to the house they can hear yelling and screaming from the kitchen. Bella is obviously concerned but edward already knows and breaks his teeth to relate to a more british auidence. Upon entering the house they can hear gordon ramsey shouting

"WHERES THE LAMB SAUCE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

And then starts calling all the family members in the kitchen useless donkeys followed by a dish flying past bellas head hitting the wall next to her.
It seems edwards had hired gordon ramesy to teach them to cook human food but litterally everythingbis drowned in olive oil. In a panic edwards mom starts mircowaving salad but then everyone realizes edward and bella are standing right there and then edward mom asks "i hope you came on a empty stomach"
Bella replies
"sorry i already had ten almods this morning"
Out of pure anger rosalie revereses time and repairs a broken dish on the floor which lepts back into her hand.
Fortunely bella now smells like the perfume section in macys to compenaste for her natural walmart shoe section musk
So she is unaffected and takes no mental damage.

Because no one is paying attention to the food a grease fire starts and ramsey puts it out with a fire extiniguisher like a proper man he is.

After the fire is put out everyone is staring at each other in silence then bella blurts out "I mean im still like hungry or whatever"

Rosalie gets so happy she breaks a plate on the floor amd goes "OPPA!!!!!"

Doodoopeepee

Su namgoy

Bella turns into big chungus to make dinner for her room. In the corner of her eye alice walks into frame using a tree branch next to a window Alice does a "hyuck hyuck hyuck" cuz she's a quirky country girl, then whips a banjo out of her hair and begins playing Big Green Tractor. The tree she's standing on shrivels up and dies from cringe, making the femur breaker scream. The branch snaps after becoming brittle, but also because her cowboy boyfriend was square dancing, which added to the tree losing it's will to live. They both take Dark Souls 2 fall damage and hecking die so they respawn at the fireplace in the living room.

Edward turns mischelous intent and snickers " have a nice trip" seinfield theme plays with a laughtrack and now everyone hates edward expect emmit. Emmit the little gorrila he is shouts "GO BACK I WANT TO BE MONKAY" They all hear an audible 'bwoooow' as he devoles into monke then begins jumping up and down making monke sounds because he liked Edwenos pun. Naturally. Afterall, all monkes are evil.
Another grease fire starts but this time edwards mom is all like "i got this" then she pulls out a fire fighter hose attached to fire hydrant in the kitchen for safety reasons she blasts everyone and shouts "nooooo" then blasts the fire and the house explodes.

Will Edward and Bella survive this predicament? Will Alice's banjo finally be erased from this god forsaken world? Will Emmet join the Buzzfeed team?

To be continued...