accidental||Luke Hemmings

Chapter 8: Pizza

PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END

chapter 8

Ashton's POV

"I'm a monster." She says, looking down. "I've done a terrible thing, and I don't know if I'll be able to stay your friend."

"Why?" I ask, sitting next to her.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Aly, you wouldn't-"

"I killed my mom, Ashton." She holds her penguin plush closer to her chest.

Okay, well, I wasn't expecting that.

"How?" I ask quietly.

"She had pneumonia, and my dad was on a business trip. I was told to take care of her." She says. Her right hand clenches into a fist and she takes a shaky breath.

"How old were you?" I ask softly.

"Twelve. My birthday was in four days." She tells me. "I obviously didn't get a birthday party that year. My dad scheduled the funeral on July 10th."

"Your birthday?" I ask. She nods.

What a sucky present.

"I had a soccer tournament that weekend, and my mom really wanted me to make it to the game. She begged me to go, so I did." She says. "I left her with everything she needed: food, water, medicine, and blankets. I'd even turned on the television for her." She looks up. "I wasn't even gone for twelve hours."

"I'm confused. What happened?" I ask.

"She apparently had photosensitive epilepsy." She says bluntly.

"What's that?"

"Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes recurrent seizures. A seizure is caused by abnormal electrical activity in the brain." She sounds like she's reciting what the doctor told her. "In my mom's case, flashing lights and irregular color patterns were her trigger." She explains. "Her death was my fault."

"Who says?"

She's quiet for a minute. "Me," Then, a few seconds later, "and my dad."

"What?" I ask, standing up. "He can't say that. You were twelve! It's his fault for leaving when his wife was seriously sick!"

"Ashton-"

"Your dad is a big asshole if he thinks that he can blame this on you." I rage.

"It's not like he bashes on me! He hardly even talks about it."

"What?"

"He rarely talks to me."

"Is that why..." I swallow hard. "Is that why you cut?"

She nods. "There's other reasons. It's just-" She pauses. "It's kind of an addiction now." She whispers.

She looks so lost and alone. I don't see how she's gone through this guilt for so many years. She's stronger than I could even hope to be, and I respect her for that. She's brave.

I guess people think that depressed people are weak somehow. But, truth be told, they're stronger than the rest of us. They go through so much and still manage to live. They should be treated like Kings and Queens.

"Have you asked for help?" I ask her.

"It's not that easy, Ashton!" She cries. "Besides, you're the only one who knows."

"You haven't told Rhyen?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"She'd just leave. Just like Jaxon." She says.

"Jaxon?"