14 reasons why

Tape 6 side A

So once we got to Tony car, we put the tape in and drove.
--------Play the tape---------
[Hanna]I've told you about two of the worst decisions I ever made, and damaged left behind... and the people who got hurt. There is one more story to tell about that night... One more bad decision... and this one's all on me. No... it wasn't the decision to go to the party. Because how could I have known? But it was the same night. That same awful night. Remember that story I was saving for later? Well, this is it. And it's all about you... Clay. Clay,I know you and Chelsea been asking yourselves why you guys are on the tapes. What could you guys possibly have done? And knowing Chelsea she is helping you through this without even knowing about these tapes. So my only request for you Clay is to help her through all of this please. So back to you clay you are probably wondering what else could have happened the night of Jessica's party? [Clay] Well, good luck with your fresh start. [Hanna] Good luck to you, party animal. [Chelsea] I'm digging this role reversal, by the way. Clay you dont go to parties and hanna you never miss a party. But you know what good luck and Clay please keep Jeff out of trouble. After that Chelsea you walked away. After you left Chels me and Clay was talking more about the party. After you left Clay apart of me was saying, "Don't go". Not even for clay. I should have listened to that part of me. See, I never told you, Clay, but I've always admired you. You are who you are, and you don't care. And I always cared what other people thought of me, as much as I acted like I didn't.  Is that a boy/girl thing, or a Clay/Hanna thing? I bet you also wish you'd never gone to Jessica's. I bet you wish you hadn't invited me. I'd talked to you a million times before, but... tonight was different, and... I didn't know what else to say to you. But when you finally came up to me... you knew just how to break the ice. You asked me to go up to one of Jessica's rooms to talk but then you kissed me. At that moment... everything was perfect.  And for the first time in a long time.... I could imagine a future where I was happy.  How good life could be. And I know you felt it too. You asked if this was okay and I told you yes. I wanted you to do everything you were doing... so I don't know why my mind took me everywhere else. And I thought of every other guy. And they all became you. So I freaked out on you without even telling you why and for that I am sorry. Part of me was saying.... "please don't leave". Part of me never wanted to see you again. But you walked out the door... like I told you To. Why did you have to leave? It was thing ever. And then it got worse. Clay... Helmet... your name does not belong on this list. But you need to be here if I'm going to tell my story. If I'm going to explain why I did what I did and your going to need to understand what Chelsea is going through right now to help her through it. Because you aren't every other guy. You're different. You're good and kind... and decent. And i didn't desire be with someone like you. I never would. I would have ruined you. It wasn't you. It was me. And everything that's happened to me.
--------- End Of the Tape------
I didn't realize that I was crying till Tony pulled over and got out of the car and hugged me. So that was your tape? "Yea, and there is no way in hell I am going to let you watch the next one on your own". Why not? "Clay right because the next tape you need someone here with you cuz the next tape is yours. After they said that my heart broke and I think I was having a panic attack.