14 reasons why

Tape 2 Side A

The next morning I woke up and left a note for Justin that I would meet him after school. I got the tapes and started listening to them wishing I never did.

    You've heard of the butterfly effect, right? That if a butterfly flaps its wings at just the right time in just the right place it can cause a hurricane thousands of miles away. Chaos theory. Sounds dramatic, but it's not. Ask a mathematician. Or better yet, ask someone who's been in a hurricane. Alex Standall. You caused the hurricane. It's your turn. F.M.L. forever. F.M.L.

  Really is everyone who is a part of the "group" on this damn tape? Just as I was about to push play again my phone went off so I answered it.  Hey, Chelsea speaking. Hey Chels it is Jess and I was wondering if Justin is with you? I am sorry Jess but no he is not. Chels I know you are pissed at me because I am on the tape. Wait you think I am pissed off at you because you're on the tape no the reason why I am pissed off at you is because you stopped being Hanna's friend because of a stupid guy. Chels can we talk about this, please? Why you never cared about me at all the only reason we talk is because of my brother. Well, I have to go see you at school.  After the phone call ended I grabbed my stuff in walked to school to find Zack at my locker. "Hey Cutie". Hey, Zach what's up? "I was wondering if you want to hang out later like go to the movies, go out to eat"? Sure I need to get away from everything see you at seven? "Yea and Chels please don't tell your brother not yet at least". Yea, I promise don't want you dying because you took your best friend's sister out on a date.  So after mine and Zach meeting by my locker I could not stop smiling and that is when I saw Clay. "Hey Chels I know that look who is he?" What are you talking about can't I just smile and it not be a boy? "I've known you our whole life I think I know you better then Justin who is?" Zach and before you tell me no I need to tell you about what happened between us yesterday. "Keep going". So when i stormed out of Bryce house he came after me in I broke down in his arms and he took me back to his house and i slept in his room. "I am happy for you Chels really I am I just don't want to see you hurt." I know your looking out for me and thank you but right now just let me be happy please. "Okay but if you need me i am here and I will kill him if he hurts you." I know that Clay.

                                   At lunch

At lunch, I sat outside and I started listening to the tapes. 

Little did I know you would F my L forever. Little did I know you would be my hurricane. Maybe you would think I am being silly. I'm some stupid girl who gets so worked up over a little thing. But little things matter. For instance, you never told me you were dating Jessica. But I remember just how it ended. With your list.

When I paused the tape I remember what list she was talking about and how uncomfortable I was when someone put me on the hot list every guy for a month wanted to fuck me.

 Alex, we haven't talked since you two got together. And then it seemed like maybe you might not be together anymore. Hey Jess. "Hey". Mrs.Antilly? "Yeah".Is everything okay? "What like in the world?" Or with you? "Yeah," You could drop by our office later if you want to make a full report. "Our Office?" Monet's.  "Oh. Yeah, right. I forgot about that. The office thing." Yeah it's been a while. "Yeah, there just so much going on" Male!"Females". Hey, how about Monet's reunion today? You have a few drink selections still left on your great menu journey. You were so commented on once. "Yeah commitment is hard for Alex." "At least I have the ability to try something new in life."  Is that why you did it, Alex?  Hanna, Chels! Hey girls." Morning Helmet. "Hey Clay". Well I have an urgent question for you two. Have you guys noticed anything weird about Alex lately. "He is always weird." "Um his hair's weird but that's not new". "Really clay I like his hair". Yeah Chelsea is right Alex's hair is awesome. "Girls calm down I didn't say it wasn't awesome, it's just, like, distinctive."  "And he is an amazing dresser. I mean you could take a few lessons Clay." Don't listen to her Clay. "Well I am glad Chelsea finds my dressing unflattering. Because I was wondering when she was going to insult me for the first time today." Are you guys working tonight? "Yea we both work at six." "So speaking of tonight I don't think you know this but there is this penumbral lunar eclipse at 11:49." A what? "The Earth's shadow is the penumbra. Tonight, the moon is going to pass through it. The last show is at nine in if we clean fast, and we probably can, Because no kids will come to an English movie because it's boring, we could get out on time, and I could maybe point it out to you." "She will be there". Chelsea that is the day you became my best friend because even though we didn't really talk without Clay I knew I could count on you. 

           After Lunch, I went to class and got called to Mr. Potters's office. "Chels I know Hanna was your best friend." Yea, she was Mr.Potter is there any reason I am here? "If you want to talk about Hanna's death or even home stuff." Let me stop you right there Mr.Potter I am fine really I am. After I left Mr. Potter's office I saw Alex. Hey. "Hey, what your not going to punish me in the face like Bryce, or slap me like you did to Jess?" Look I know I have not been acting like the person I was before all this and I have been acting like this new person but please talk to me. "Ok you want me to talk here it is What do they think these posters are gonna save someone else life? "Suicide is not an option?  Yeah, clearly it is an option, you know? Why don't they put up a poster that says "Don't be a dick"? Why don't we put up that poster?" Yeah, I would love to see that poster because this whole school is toxic.

                                  After our talk, I pushed play on tapes in walked home.

He's still in there. "Is he Okay the credits ended five minutes ago"." You know what go, guys, I will clean up." Chelsea I never really did get to say thank you.  Morning Astronomy boy. "Better than Helmet Hair I guess."  "I don't know I think they go back to back right Hanna." Yea Chels is right. Alex, maybe you may think that I am being silly like I get my titties in a twist over the tiniest things... But you didn't walk that hall. You didn't feel those eyes on you.  "Come on". You never heard those whispers.  "Ooh Angie Remro Best lips. You know it baby." "Oh, my gosh Hanna Baker."But it was just a joke. Right, Alex? Do you think I am taking this way too seriously? But here is the thing: You've never been a girl. "Mind if we join you Hanna?" No geometry homework guys? "Nope, Clay helped me and Jeff". High school is bullshit. "You not wrong there". "Yea don't disagree with you two." You want evidence, Alex? Do you want storm clouds and thunder? Let's go to E3 on your maps everyone.

I went to the spot on the map and found out that it was the liquor store.  Then I pushed play.

The Blue Spot liquor store. Where butterfly meets hurricane. The Blue Spot was a block and a half from my first house here. Hey wally. "Oh Hey". And I went there when I desperately needed chocolate, which was most days of the week. Why do even sell bars without nuts in them? "Because some people don't like nuts. And some people are allergic." Some people are tragic. "What's up Wally". "What's up". "So, I see you went for nuts again."  "That's how you talk to a lady, Wally. I got the candy. Your parents own Baker Drugs right? But you buy candy here?" Um better selection. Fewer moms counting my calorie intake. "There you go". Did you just? "Oh no I didn't mean... It's just...It's really tight. In the store. It's tight in the store. I don't really listen to sophomore gossip but, um... For what it's worth that list got it right. It seems like nothing. Until the hurricane hits.Because when you put my name on that list, You put a target on my... well it wasn't my ass. You made it open season for Hanna Baker.

                    After I fished tape 2 side A I went home to get ready for my date with Zach and walked to Bryce's house. "Hey, cutie let's go out to eat first then go see a scary movie." Yeah sure. "What's wrong?" Nothing it's just I fished Tape 2 side A today and I can't believe Alex was a pig. "We all do things we regret.

      Once we made it to the dinner I could not help but think that this night is perfect. "Can I ask you something without being a dick"? At first, I was scared to ask what his question was but I still said yes. "  I know you are afraid of Bryce why would you still sleep in the same house as him if he raped you?" You don't know how hard it is to get away from your abuser and his house was better than going home to one of my mom's houses not knowing if she brought home another random boyfriend who was a drunk or a kid beater. You don't know how lucky you are Zach you have a nice house and a mother who actually gives a fuck about you. I didn't know if I was going to wake up the next day or even at all because of one of my mom's boyfriends. 

After our date, Zach took me home and drove away. Once I got inside the house I saw Seth hitting my brother so I stood in front of him. DON'T YOU EVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY BROTHER! That is when Seth hit me in the face and almost strangled me with our mom watching. "Don't talk back to me little girl you hear me". After he out my feet back on the ground I grabbed Justin hand and helped him into our bedroom and cleaned him up then went to bed myself.