ANGEL | caejose

chapter 14 ; joseph joestar

The sound of faint chatter, flowing water, soft wind — he can't decide what it was that woke him up, but he's awake nonetheless, and his delicate breathing is almost frightening.

His vision smeared, Joseph sits up and rubs his eyelids grimly. Releasing a noiseless yawn, for the first time in an overdue while, he finally feels as if he's gotten enough sleep for a day. But then the throbbing in his body is there to tell him that he hasn't slept on his bed once more.

"I really wonder where your mind goes, sometimes." For a second, Joseph believed that someone was talking to him until he realizes the unfamiliar voice is resounding above him. Looking up, Joseph can see a wall of bricks, it's the underside of a small bridge, he notices, one that's located in a rural area presumably far away from his hotel.

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" He doesn't even bother trying to make out the two's conversation, deeming it as childish, he focuses on his surroundings.

Dunking his hand into the river in front of him, Joseph sighs when he realizes he isn't dreaming. The water feels cool around his fingers and the grass sways according to the wind. The sound of his breath is audible and the pains in his body won't leave him alone.

But, most of all, that damned blond angel isn't beside him, only confirming that he's in a state of reality. Tsking after realizing he's thinking about Caesar again, Joseph lays back down on the grass and places his arms under his head. 

He can't decide if it's love or not. It's impossible to choose whether he has an infatuation or if it's indifference. Either it's something healthy or something harmful. As if he was the solution to every problem, Joseph just couldn't seem to get Caesar out of his mind.

He wonders if it's a magic trick or perhaps a spell, a sick joke Caesar thought would be fun to play on him. Possibly Joseph's overreaction was just part of some amusement to rile him up. The way his chest turns and his brain stutters, he ponders what kind of hypnotism the angel had cast on him.

But he would still detest the part of him that can't control his sympathy. His hatred for his enigmatic feelings would lay dormant for the rest of his life, continuing to burden his heart and mind for as long as Joseph could breathe.

There were no answers to why his heart raced faster than he could blink, or to why his mind fried when jumbling for an answer every time Caesar would talk.

Was it the sparkle in Caesar's eyes that grasped him? It may have been his boisterous personality or wavy hair, but that seemed unreasonable.

Joseph Joestar was not clueless by any means, far from it, in fact. Each mastermind plan he could gaze through like glass as if presenting itself blatantly before his eyes. The newfound curiosity and cluelessness left Joseph completely disorganized, never once experiencing this before, he was stumped.

Joseph Joestar never asked for help, not even once in his life. Maybe for the little favors that were minor and could be forgotten in minutes, yes, but never for things that actually mattered. Joseph had rightfully decided from day one that his problems belonged to him and him only.

But Joseph Joestar had concluded that he couldn't solve the problem on his own and found along the way that his confident ego was much more fragile than he envisioned it to be.

"What makes you so special?" He grumbled to himself. It was as if his mind and heart were on opposing sides, something he definitely wasn't used to. Even though Joseph deemed himself as ingenious, still nothing had popped into his head when searching for answers.

Because, you see, Caesar Zepelli is a normal person, just like Joseph. During their time together, sure, Joseph felt as if he was being outshined by Caesar himself but it was only that quality that told them apart. So he didn't understand what he felt.

But, you see, Joseph Joestar is a liar. He's gotten so used to making tricks and conning people to the point that he's deceived himself.

Covering his face with his left hand, the bronze sighed in defeat, finally letting his ruse collapse. Fighting against the truth he didn't want to believe, his willpower couldn't take it anymore.

Joseph Joestar — the crook, the swindler, the con-artist — was in love with Caesar Anthonio Zepelli, smoking habits and all. He loved the way his hair looked, how his eyes shone, his glimmering lips, all of it.

His feelings were always known. Constantly waking up from dreams of them being close together and their lips locking, his emotions couldn't have been more obvious. Reasonably, it was the shame of being in love with a man that held him back and the disappointment on his uncle, Speedwagon's, and his grandmother, Erina's, face.

Looking at his hand that was now splayed across the grass, Joseph felt his chest grow heavy and a long-gone familiar feeling started to evoke in his core. Swallowing it down, Joseph closed his eyes and went back to sleep, deciding that he would return home tomorrow.