Muse [h.s.]

12. to be so lonely

Harry's POV
a year ago

It's been three months since I've seen her. I was heading to New York next week; there was a party for a friend of a friend of a friend— if I'm being frank, I don't know who was throwing the party, but I want to go to New York, simply because she's been on my mind lately.

I want to catch a glimpse of her.

Lydia and Jax say she's doing well; I heard she wasn't working at The Crimson Lounge anymore, which surprised me. Lydia wouldn't tell me where she's working now — not surprising; she's extremely protective of her.

It makes me feel better knowing that she has Lydia and Jax looking out and taking care of her.

I begin to strum my fingers on the guitar, trying to mimic Mitch's movement as the soft sound comes through.

"Dont blame me for falling, I was just a little boy...don't blame the drunk caller, wasn't ready for it all," I begin to sing softly.

I've only finished this song last night, after one too many drinks with Mitch last night, and definitely after a way too deep heart-to-heart with him.

I guess intoxication helped me to produce works like this, because we finished the song so quickly last night.

We were talking about her, everything from the beginning that led up to this point, just hanging out and taking a few shots. I can't remember at what point Mitch grabbed his guitar, but he did and begin to strum, striking inspiration in me.

"You can't blame me darling, not even a little bit. I was away and I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch who can't admit when he's sorry..."'

In hindsight, she definitely can blame me. Hell, I am to blame; I am the reason we're here today, I am the reason I lost the light of my life.

My pride and arrogance have always gotten the best of me. That line was Mitch's idea; after I told him the entire story of Aurelia and I, the first thing he had said was, "You're really such an arrogant son of a bitch, you know that?"

He wasn't wrong.

I focus on the next verse, having the chorus already down in my head. "I just hope you see me in a little better light...do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?"

I know I can filled with jealousy, so intense because it's the reason for our end. It's one of my biggest flaws.

I've called her so many times, I've left so many voicemails...I wonder if she's gotten them. I pray that she notices that I'm trying to make amends, despite us not speaking to one another.

I sigh, placing the guitar down.

present day

I neatly pack the clothes into my suitcase, the ceaseless thoughts flickering through my brain.

I can't get the image of Aurelia out of my brain as she left the suite, the pout settled on her lips, the crease between her brows.

I know I was rude and harsh, but I can't believe she said it took two to do what we did.

I needed to get out of here, I didn't belong here.

Don't call me baby again, it's hard for me to go home.

To be so lonely.

Home is with Aurelia, and despite how badly I wish I could go back home, there isn't one there for me anymore.

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very short chapter, but i felt that tbsl fit so well especially after the last chapter...

i'm working on the next two chapters but I wanted this out for you! watch out for the next updates later!

loveeee,
ashley