Muse [h.s.]

10. she

Harry's POV

Thoughts of a year ago fill my head, memories that I haven't thought of in a while.

I recall the first night she stayed over at the loft in New York. That was the first night we've ever had sex, the first night I experienced the euphoric feeling of being inside of her.

I remember marveling at the way she touched me, the way she felt, the way that I felt...I'd never felt that way before.

Little did I know it'd come to be one of my favorite feelings, intensifying each time we were intimate with one another after that.

But, it wasn't all physical; that was also the first I learned of her nightmares, the first I'd seen her cry.

When I had opened my arms, she didn't have to think twice to walk into them. I remember the way she hid her face in my chest, little whimpers escaping her lips.

Your mum was right to say you shine bright like the sun, I had said. She had wrapped her little arms around me tighter and her honey-colored eyes shone brighter with my words.

I remember the way we faced each other, that was the first I really studied her features. I watched as she looked back at me, her eyes growing heavy as they drooped, but she fought her sleep to keep on looking at me.

When her eyes finally shut, her body moving up and down with her small breaths, I had pulled her close to me, surprising even myself.

It was that moment that I knew I was experiencing foreign feelings for this woman. I didn't know why she had this effect on me, I couldn't escape the thoughts of her, not even then.

It wasn't just physical; that was clear, because I just had to hold her. I didn't know why, I just knew that I had to hold her in my arms.

And I surely couldn't escape the happiness in me when she curled her body up against mine, her cheek against my chest.

Aurelia suddenly moves in her sleep, breaking me out of my thoughts of the past. She's laid on the bed beside me. I couldn't bring myself to keep her wrapped in my arms like the way she was when she fell asleep.

She wasn't mine to hold.

She wasn't mine to do a lot of things with, but yet I still did them all tonight.

Did I learn at all?

Did I make any progress at all?

Or did coming to Miami make me take a million steps backwards?

Was it a mistake to come here?

Aurelia's arms reach out as she dreams, her fingers clutching at the sheets, searching. I know what she's searching for; she always used to sleep like this when she couldn't feel me.

I hold my breath, wanting to at least have some sense of self-control, which is ridiculous of me. All sense of my self-control has been thrown out the window tonight.

But, Aurelia's fingertips lightly brush my ribs, and its as if her mind is still awake, though she's fast asleep. She shifts in her sleep, turning towards me, her hand placed on my torso.

When I hear her soft breaths, I know she's fully asleep once again.

I don't now why I encouraged tonight. I didn't regret it, not one bit. I could never regret being so intimate with her.

I wish it were under different circumstances, though. I wish she wasn't intoxicated; she claimed she wasn't drunk, and she may not have been as wasted as she was earlier at the club tonight, but I still wish she wasn't under the influence at all.

Would she have behaved this way if she were sober?

I'm at fault. I encouraged it knowing she has a boyfriend. The thought makes me sick — did I influence her? She did the one thing that was unforgivable for her, she's going to hate herself in the morning.

Why didn't I use my brain?

I allowed myself to be wrapped around her finger; if Aurelia told me to jump off this balcony, I can't guarantee that I won't disobey, which is absolutely outrageous.

I didn't come, she had said, speaking about him.

I can't lie; the thought makes me want to snicker, even for a little bit, that he's unable to please her. That I'm the one who knows exactly how to touch her, exactly how to make her moan, moan my name...

She felt so good, amazing...better than I remembered. The way she arched her back, the way she cried out as she gripped onto the balcony's railing...the sounds flood my mind, filling my eardrums as I bask in the memory.

But the prideful thoughts quickly dissipate as I bring myself back to the reality of the situation.

Was I just a quick fuck for her? Just a way for her to get off?

I can't believe I allowed myself to do this. I allowed myself to be consumed by her and now, now we'll have to face the consequences.

I don't know what to expect in the morning. I only bring my hand to her small one that's resting on my torso, and gently place it back to her side. I slowly rise out of the bed and when it dips, her eyebrows furrow in her sleep.

She's exquisite, especially in moments like this.

I gently lean forward, placing a kiss to her forehead before I turn around and exit the room, heading for the sofa in the living room.

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thoughts about harry's thoughts?

i'm nervous to see what's gonna happen in the morning, especially now that we got a peek in harry's head...

thank you so so so much for all your comments and votes, you make me wanna squeeze you all!

loveeeee,
ashley